As You Like It by William Shakespeare
Act 4 - Scene 1
The forest
(stage directions) : Enter ROSALIND, CELIA, and JAQUES
Jaques (lord) : I prithee, pretty youth, let me be better acquainted with
[p]thee.
Rosalind : They say you are a melancholy fellow.
Jaques (lord) : I am so; I do love it better than laughing.
Rosalind : Those that are in extremity of either are abominable
[p]fellows, and
betray themselves to every modern censure worse than
[p]drunkards.
Jaques (lord) : Why, 'tis good to be sad and say nothing.
Rosalind : Why then, 'tis good to be a post.
Jaques (lord) : I have neither the scholar's melancholy, which is
[p]emulation; nor
the musician's, which is fantastical; nor the
[p]courtier's, which is
proud; nor the soldier's, which is
[p]ambitious; nor the lawyer's,
which is politic; nor the lady's,
[p]which is nice; nor the lover's,
which is all these; but it is a
[p]melancholy of mine own, compounded
of many simples, extracted
[p]from many objects, and, indeed, the
sundry contemplation of my
[p]travels; in which my often rumination
wraps me in a most humorous
[p]sadness.
Rosalind : A traveller! By my faith, you have great reason to be
[p]sad. I fear
you have sold your own lands to see other men's; then
[p]to have seen
much and to have nothing is to have rich eyes and
[p]poor hands.
Jaques (lord) : Yes, I have gain'd my experience.
(stage directions) : Enter ORLANDO
Rosalind : And your experience makes you sad. I had rather have a
[p]fool to make
me merry than experience to make me sad- and to
[p]travel for it too.
Orlando : Good day, and happiness, dear Rosalind!
Jaques (lord) : Nay, then, God buy you, an you talk in blank verse.
Rosalind : Farewell, Monsieur Traveller; look you lisp and wear
[p]strange suits,
disable all the benefits of your own country, be
[p]out of love with
your nativity, and almost chide God for making
[p]you that countenance
you are; or I will scarce think you have
[p]swam in a gondola. [Exit
JAQUES] Why, how now, Orlando! where
[p]have you been all this while?
You a lover! An you serve me such
[p]another trick, never come in my
sight more.
Orlando : My fair Rosalind, I come within an hour of my promise.
Rosalind : Break an hour's promise in love! He that will divide a
[p]minute into
a thousand parts, and break but a part of the
[p]thousand part of a
minute in the affairs of love, it may be said
[p]of him that Cupid
hath clapp'd him o' th' shoulder, but I'll
[p]warrant him
heart-whole.
Orlando : Pardon me, dear Rosalind.
Rosalind : Nay, an you be so tardy, come no more in my sight. I had
[p]as lief be
woo'd of a snail.
Orlando : Of a snail!
Rosalind : Ay, of a snail; for though he comes slowly, he carries
[p]his house on
his head- a better jointure, I think, than you make
[p]a woman;
besides, he brings his destiny with him.
Orlando : What's that?
Rosalind : Why, horns; which such as you are fain to be beholding to
[p]your
wives for; but he comes armed in his fortune, and prevents
[p]the
slander of his wife.
Orlando : Virtue is no horn-maker; and my Rosalind is virtuous.
Rosalind : And I am your Rosalind.
Celia : It pleases him to call you so; but he hath a Rosalind of a
[p]better
leer than you.
Rosalind : Come, woo me, woo me; for now I am in a holiday humour,
[p]and like
enough to consent. What would you say to me now, an I
[p]were your
very very Rosalind?
Orlando : I would kiss before I spoke.
Rosalind : Nay, you were better speak first; and when you were
[p]gravell'd for
lack of matter, you might take occasion to kiss.
[p]Very good orators,
when they are out, they will spit; and for
[p]lovers lacking- God warn
us!- matter, the cleanliest shift is to
[p]kiss.
Orlando : How if the kiss be denied?
Rosalind : Then she puts you to entreaty, and there begins new
[p]matter.
Orlando : Who could be out, being before his beloved mistress?
Rosalind : Marry, that should you, if I were your mistress; or I
[p]should think
my honesty ranker than my wit.
Orlando : What, of my suit?
Rosalind : Not out of your apparel, and yet out of your suit.
[p]Am not I your
Rosalind?
Orlando : I take some joy to say you are, because I would be talking
[p]of her.
Rosalind : Well, in her person, I say I will not have you.
Orlando : Then, in mine own person, I die.
Rosalind : No, faith, die by attorney. The poor world is almost six
[p]thousand
years old, and in all this time there was not any man
[p]died in his
own person, videlicet, in a love-cause. Troilus had
[p]his brains
dash'd out with a Grecian club; yet he did what he
[p]could to die
before, and he is one of the patterns of love.
[p]Leander, he would
have liv'd many a fair year, though Hero had
[p]turn'd nun, if it had
not been for a hot midsummer night; for,
[p]good youth, he went but
forth to wash him in the Hellespont, and,
[p]being taken with the
cramp, was drown'd; and the foolish
[p]chroniclers of that age found
it was- Hero of Sestos. But these
[p]are all lies: men have died from
time to time, and worms have
[p]eaten them, but not for love.
Orlando : I would not have my right Rosalind of this mind; for, I
[p]protest,
her frown might kill me.
Rosalind : By this hand, it will not kill a fly. But come, now I
[p]will be your
Rosalind in a more coming-on disposition; and ask me
[p]what you will,
I will grant it.
Orlando : Then love me, Rosalind.
Rosalind : Yes, faith, will I, Fridays and Saturdays, and all.
Orlando : And wilt thou have me?
Rosalind : Ay, and twenty such.
Orlando : What sayest thou?
Rosalind : Are you not good?
Orlando : I hope so.
Rosalind : Why then, can one desire too much of a good thing? Come,
[p]sister,
you shall be the priest, and marry us. Give me your hand,
[p]Orlando.
What do you say, sister?
Orlando : Pray thee, marry us.
Celia : I cannot say the words.
Rosalind : You must begin 'Will you, Orlando'-
Celia : Go to. Will you, Orlando, have to wife this Rosalind?
Orlando : I will.
Rosalind : Ay, but when?
Orlando : Why, now; as fast as she can marry us.
Rosalind : Then you must say 'I take thee, Rosalind, for wife.'
Orlando : I take thee, Rosalind, for wife.
Rosalind : I might ask you for your commission; but- I do take thee,
[p]Orlando,
for my husband. There's a girl goes before the priest;
[p]and,
certainly, a woman's thought runs before her actions.
Orlando : So do all thoughts; they are wing'd.
Rosalind : Now tell me how long you would have her, after you have
[p]possess'd
her.
Orlando : For ever and a day.
Rosalind : Say 'a day' without the 'ever.' No, no, Orlando; men are
[p]April when
they woo, December when they wed: maids are May when
[p]they are
maids, but the sky changes when they are wives. I will
[p]be more
jealous of thee than a Barbary cock-pigeon over his hen,
[p]more
clamorous than a parrot against rain, more new-fangled than
[p]an ape,
more giddy in my desires than a monkey. I will weep for
[p]nothing,
like Diana in the fountain, and I will do that when you
[p]are
dispos'd to be merry; I will laugh like a hyen, and that when
[p]thou
are inclin'd to sleep.
Orlando : But will my Rosalind do so?
Rosalind : By my life, she will do as I do.
Orlando : O, but she is wise.
Rosalind : Or else she could not have the wit to do this. The wiser,
[p]the
waywarder. Make the doors upon a woman's wit, and it will out
[p]at
the casement; shut that, and 'twill out at the key-hole; stop
[p]that,
'twill fly with the smoke out at the chimney.
Orlando : A man that had a wife with such a wit, he might say 'Wit,
[p]whither
wilt?'
Rosalind : Nay, you might keep that check for it, till you met your
[p]wife's wit
going to your neighbour's bed.
Orlando : And what wit could wit have to excuse that?
Rosalind : Marry, to say she came to seek you there. You shall never
[p]take her
without her answer, unless you take her without her
[p]tongue. O, that
woman that cannot make her fault her husband's
[p]occasion, let her
never nurse her child herself, for she will
[p]breed it like a fool!
Orlando : For these two hours, Rosalind, I will leave thee.
Rosalind : Alas, dear love, I cannot lack thee two hours!
Orlando : I must attend the Duke at dinner; by two o'clock I will be
[p]with
thee again.
Rosalind : Ay, go your ways, go your ways. I knew what you would
[p]prove; my
friends told me as much, and I thought no less. That
[p]flattering
tongue of yours won me. 'Tis but one cast away, and
[p]so, come death!
Two o'clock is your hour?
Orlando : Ay, sweet Rosalind.
Rosalind : By my troth, and in good earnest, and so God mend me, and
[p]by all
pretty oaths that are not dangerous, if you break one jot
[p]of your
promise, or come one minute behind your hour, I will
[p]think you the
most pathetical break-promise, and the most hollow
[p]lover, and the
most unworthy of her you call Rosalind, that may
[p]be chosen out of
the gross band of the unfaithful. Therefore
[p]beware my censure, and
keep your promise.
Orlando : With no less religion than if thou wert indeed my
[p]Rosalind; so,
adieu.
Rosalind : Well, Time is the old justice that examines all such
[p]offenders, and
let Time try. Adieu. Exit ORLANDO
Celia : You have simply misus'd our sex in your love-prate. We must
[p]have
your doublet and hose pluck'd over your head, and show the
[p]world
what the bird hath done to her own nest.
Rosalind : O coz, coz, coz, my pretty little coz, that thou didst
[p]know how
many fathom deep I am in love! But it cannot be sounded;
[p]my
affection hath an unknown bottom, like the Bay of Portugal.
Celia : Or rather, bottomless; that as fast as you pour affection
[p]in, it
runs out.
Rosalind : No; that same wicked bastard of Venus, that was begot of
[p]thought,
conceiv'd of spleen, and born of madness; that blind
[p]rascally boy,
that abuses every one's eyes, because his own are
[p]out- let him be
judge how deep I am in love. I'll tell thee,
[p]Aliena, I cannot be
out of the sight of Orlando. I'll go find a
[p]shadow, and sigh till
he come.
Celia : And I'll sleep. Exeunt
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Next: Act 4 - Scene 2
