As You Like It by William Shakespeare
Act 5 - Scene 4
The forest
(stage directions) : Enter DUKE SENIOR, AMIENS, JAQUES, ORLANDO, OLIVER, and CELIA
Duke : Dost thou believe, Orlando, that the boy
[p]Can do all this that he
hath promised?
Orlando : I sometimes do believe and sometimes do not:
[p]As those that fear
they hope, and know they fear.
(stage directions) : Enter ROSALIND, SILVIUS, and PHEBE
Rosalind : Patience once more, whiles our compact is urg'd:
[p]You say, if I
bring in your Rosalind,
[p]You will bestow her on Orlando here?
Duke : That would I, had I kingdoms to give with her.
Rosalind : And you say you will have her when I bring her?
Orlando : That would I, were I of all kingdoms king.
Rosalind : You say you'll marry me, if I be willing?
Phebe : That will I, should I die the hour after.
Rosalind : But if you do refuse to marry me,
[p]You'll give yourself to this most
faithful shepherd?
Phebe : So is the bargain.
Rosalind : You say that you'll have Phebe, if she will?
Silvius : Though to have her and death were both one thing.
Rosalind : I have promis'd to make all this matter even.
[p]Keep you your word, O
Duke, to give your daughter;
[p]You yours, Orlando, to receive his
daughter;
[p]Keep your word, Phebe, that you'll marry me,
[p]Or else,
refusing me, to wed this shepherd;
[p]Keep your word, Silvius, that
you'll marry her
[p]If she refuse me; and from hence I go,
[p]To make
these doubts all even.
(stage directions) : Exeunt ROSALIND and CELIA
Duke : I do remember in this shepherd boy
[p]Some lively touches of my
daughter's favour.
Orlando : My lord, the first time that I ever saw him
[p]Methought he was a
brother to your daughter.
[p]But, my good lord, this boy is
forest-born,
[p]And hath been tutor'd in the rudiments
[p]Of many
desperate studies by his uncle,
[p]Whom he reports to be a great
magician,
[p]Obscured in the circle of this forest.
(stage directions) : Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY
Jaques (lord) : There is, sure, another flood toward, and these couples are
[p]coming
to the ark. Here comes a pair of very strange beasts which
[p]in all
tongues are call'd fools.
Touchstone : Salutation and greeting to you all!
Jaques (lord) : Good my lord, bid him welcome. This is the motley-minded
[p]gentleman
that I have so often met in the forest. He hath been a
[p] courtier,
he swears.
Touchstone : If any man doubt that, let him put me to my purgation.
[p]I have trod
a measure; I have flatt'red a lady; I have been
[p]politic with my
friend, smooth with mine enemy; I have undone
[p]three tailors; I have
had four quarrels, and like to have fought
[p]one.
Jaques (lord) : And how was that ta'en up?
Touchstone : Faith, we met, and found the quarrel was upon the
[p]seventh cause.
Jaques (lord) : How seventh cause? Good my lord, like this fellow.
Duke : I like him very well.
Touchstone : God 'ild you, sir; I desire you of the like. I press in
[p]here, sir,
amongst the rest of the country copulatives, to swear
[p]and to
forswear, according as marriage binds and blood breaks. A
[p]poor
virgin, sir, an ill-favour'd thing, sir, but mine own; a
[p]poor
humour of mine, sir, to take that that man else will. Rich
[p]honesty
dwells like a miser, sir, in a poor house; as your pearl
[p]in your
foul oyster.
Duke : By my faith, he is very swift and sententious.
Touchstone : According to the fool's bolt, sir, and such dulcet
[p]diseases.
Jaques (lord) : But, for the seventh cause: how did you find the quarrel on
[p]the
seventh cause?
Touchstone : Upon a lie seven times removed- bear your body more
[p]seeming,
Audrey- as thus, sir. I did dislike the cut of a certain
[p]courtier's
beard; he sent me word, if I said his beard was not
[p]cut well, he
was in the mind it was. This is call'd the Retort
[p]Courteous. If I
sent him word again it was not well cut, he would
[p]send me word he
cut it to please himself. This is call'd the Quip
[p]Modest. If again
it was not well cut, he disabled my judgment.
[p]This is call'd the
Reply Churlish. If again it was not well cut,
[p]he would answer I
spake not true. This is call'd the Reproof
[p]Valiant. If again it was
not well cut, he would say I lie. This
[p]is call'd the Countercheck
Quarrelsome. And so to the Lie
[p]Circumstantial and the Lie Direct.
Jaques (lord) : And how oft did you say his beard was not well cut?
Touchstone : I durst go no further than the Lie Circumstantial, nor
[p]he durst not
give me the Lie Direct; and so we measur'd swords
[p]and parted.
Jaques (lord) : Can you nominate in order now the degrees of the lie?
Touchstone : O, sir, we quarrel in print by the book, as you have
[p]books for good
manners. I will name you the degrees. The first,
[p]the Retort
Courteous; the second, the Quip Modest; the third, the
[p]Reply
Churlish; the fourth, the Reproof Valiant; the fifth,
the
[p]Countercheck Quarrelsome; the sixth, the Lie with
Circumstance;
[p]the seventh, the Lie Direct. All these you may avoid
but the Lie
[p]Direct; and you may avoid that too with an If. I knew
when seven
[p]justices could not take up a quarrel; but when the
parties were
[p]met themselves, one of them thought but of an If, as:
'If you
[p]said so, then I said so.' And they shook hands, and
swore
[p]brothers. Your If is the only peace-maker; much virtue in
If.
Jaques (lord) : Is not this a rare fellow, my lord?
[p]He's as good at any thing, and
yet a fool.
Duke : He uses his folly like a stalking-horse, and under the
[p]presentation
of that he shoots his wit.
[p][Enter HYMEN, ROSALIND, and CELIA. Still
MUSIC]
[p]HYMEN. Then is there mirth in heaven,
[p] When earthly
things made even
[p] Atone together.
[p] Good Duke, receive thy
daughter;
[p] Hymen from heaven brought her,
[p] Yea, brought her
hither,
[p] That thou mightst join her hand with his,
[p] Whose heart
within his bosom is.
Rosalind : [To DUKE] To you I give myself, for I am yours.
[p][To ORLANDO] To you
I give myself, for I am yours.
Duke : If there be truth in sight, you are my daughter.
Orlando : If there be truth in sight, you are my Rosalind.
Phebe : If sight and shape be true,
[p]Why then, my love adieu!
Rosalind : I'll have no father, if you be not he;
[p]I'll have no husband, if you
be not he;
[p]Nor ne'er wed woman, if you be not she.
Hymen : Peace, ho! I bar confusion;
[p] 'Tis I must make conclusion
[p] Of
these most strange events.
[p] Here's eight that must take hands
[p]
To join in Hymen's bands,
[p] If truth holds true contents.
[p] You
and you no cross shall part;
[p] You and you are heart in heart;
[p]
You to his love must accord,
[p] Or have a woman to your lord;
[p] You
and you are sure together,
[p] As the winter to foul weather.
[p]
Whiles a wedlock-hymn we sing,
[p] Feed yourselves with
questioning,
[p] That reason wonder may diminish,
[p] How thus we met,
and these things finish.
[p] SONG
[p] Wedding is great Juno's
crown;
[p] O blessed bond of board and bed!
[p] 'Tis Hymen peoples
every town;
[p] High wedlock then be honoured.
[p] Honour, high
honour, and renown,
[p] To Hymen, god of every town!
Duke : O my dear niece, welcome thou art to me!
[p]Even daughter, welcome in
no less degree.
Phebe : I will not eat my word, now thou art mine;
[p]Thy faith my fancy to
thee doth combine.
[p] Enter JAQUES DE BOYS
Jaques (son) : Let me have audience for a word or two.
[p]I am the second son of old
Sir Rowland,
[p]That bring these tidings to this fair
assembly.
[p]Duke Frederick, hearing how that every day
[p]Men of
great worth resorted to this forest,
[p]Address'd a mighty power;
which were on foot,
[p]In his own conduct, purposely to take
[p]His
brother here, and put him to the sword;
[p]And to the skirts of this
wild wood he came,
[p]Where, meeting with an old religious
man,
[p]After some question with him, was converted
[p]Both from his
enterprise and from the world;
[p]His crown bequeathing to his
banish'd brother,
[p]And all their lands restor'd to them
again
[p]That were with him exil'd. This to be true
[p]I do engage my
life.
Duke : Welcome, young man.
[p]Thou offer'st fairly to thy brothers'
wedding:
[p]To one, his lands withheld; and to the other,
[p]A land
itself at large, a potent dukedom.
[p]First, in this forest let us do
those ends
[p]That here were well begun and well begot;
[p]And after,
every of this happy number,
[p]That have endur'd shrewd days and
nights with us,
[p]Shall share the good of our returned
fortune,
[p]According to the measure of their states.
[p]Meantime,
forget this new-fall'n dignity,
[p]And fall into our rustic
revelry.
[p]Play, music; and you brides and bridegrooms all,
[p]With
measure heap'd in joy, to th' measures fall.
Jaques (lord) : Sir, by your patience. If I heard you rightly,
[p]The Duke hath put on
a religious life,
[p]And thrown into neglect the pompous court.
Jaques (son) : He hath.
Jaques (lord) : To him will I. Out of these convertites
[p]There is much matter to be
heard and learn'd.
[p][To DUKE] You to your former honour I
bequeath;
[p]Your patience and your virtue well deserves it.
[p][To
ORLANDO] You to a love that your true faith doth merit;
[p][To OLIVER]
You to your land, and love, and great allies
[p][To SILVIUS] You to a
long and well-deserved bed;
[p][To TOUCHSTONE] And you to wrangling;
for thy loving voyage
[p]Is but for two months victuall'd.- So to your
pleasures;
[p]I am for other than for dancing measures.
Duke : Stay, Jaques, stay.
Jaques (lord) : To see no pastime I. What you would have
[p]I'll stay to know at your
abandon'd cave. Exit
Duke : Proceed, proceed. We will begin these rites,
[p]As we do trust they'll
end, in true delights. [A dance] Exeunt EPILOGUE
(stage directions) : EPILOGUE.
Rosalind : It is not the fashion to see the lady the epilogue; but
[p]it is no
more unhandsome than to see the lord the prologue. If it
[p]be true
that good wine needs no bush, 'tis true that a good play
[p]needs no
epilogue. Yet to good wine they do use good bushes; and
[p]good plays
prove the better by the help of good epilogues. What a
[p]case am I in
then, that am neither a good epilogue, nor cannot
[p]insinuate with
you in the behalf of a good play! I am not
[p]furnish'd like a beggar;
therefore to beg will not become me. My
[p]way is to conjure you; and
I'll begin with the women. I charge
[p]you, O women, for the love you
bear to men, to like as much of
[p]this play as please you; and I
charge you, O men, for the love
[p]you bear to women- as I perceive by
your simp'ring none of you
[p]hates them- that between you and the
women the play may please.
[p]If I were a woman, I would kiss as many
of you as had beards that
[p]pleas'd me, complexions that lik'd me,
and breaths that I defied
[p]not; and, I am sure, as many as have good
beards, or good faces,
[p]or sweet breaths, will, for my kind offer,
when I make curtsy,
[p]bid me farewell.
(stage directions) : THE END
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Next: Act 5 - Scene 4
