Henry IV, Part I by William Shakespeare
Act 2 - Scene 1
Rochester. An inn yard.
First Carrier : Heigh-ho! an it be not four by the day, I'll be
[p]hanged: Charles'
wain is over the new chimney, and
[p]yet our horse not packed. What,
ostler!
Ostler : [Within] Anon, anon.
First Carrier : I prithee, Tom, beat Cut's saddle, put a few flocks
[p]in the point;
poor jade, is wrung in the withers out
[p]of all cess.
Second Carrier : Peas and beans are as dank here as a dog, and that
[p]is the next way
to give poor jades the bots: this
[p]house is turned upside down since
Robin Ostler died.
First Carrier : Poor fellow, never joyed since the price of oats
[p]rose; it was the
death of him.
Second Carrier : I think this be the most villanous house in all
[p]London road for
fleas: I am stung like a tench.
First Carrier : Like a tench! by the mass, there is ne'er a king
[p]christen could be
better bit than I have been since
[p]the first cock.
Second Carrier : Why, they will allow us ne'er a jordan, and then we
[p]leak in your
chimney; and your chamber-lie breeds
[p]fleas like a loach.
First Carrier : What, ostler! come away and be hanged!
Second Carrier : I have a gammon of bacon and two razors of ginger,
[p]to be delivered
as far as Charing-cross.
First Carrier : God's body! the turkeys in my pannier are quite
[p]starved. What,
ostler! A plague on thee! hast thou
[p]never an eye in thy head? canst
not hear? An
[p]'twere not as good deed as drink, to break the
pate
[p]on thee, I am a very villain. Come, and be hanged!
[p]hast
thou no faith in thee?
Gadshill : Good morrow, carriers. What's o'clock?
First Carrier : I think it be two o'clock.
Gadshill : I pray thee lend me thy lantern, to see my gelding
[p]in the stable.
First Carrier : Nay, by God, soft; I know a trick worth two of that, i' faith.
Gadshill : I pray thee, lend me thine.
Second Carrier : Ay, when? can'st tell? Lend me thy lantern, quoth
[p]he? marry, I'll
see thee hanged first.
Gadshill : Sirrah carrier, what time do you mean to come to London?
Second Carrier : Time enough to go to bed with a candle, I warrant
[p]thee. Come,
neighbour Mugs, we'll call up the
[p]gentleman: they will along with
company, for they
[p]have great charge.
Gadshill : What, ho! chamberlain!
Chamberlain : [Within] At hand, quoth pick-purse.
Gadshill : That's even as fair as--at hand, quoth the
[p]chamberlain; for thou
variest no more from picking
[p]of purses than giving direction doth
from labouring;
[p]thou layest the plot how.
Chamberlain : Good morrow, Master Gadshill. It holds current that
[p]I told you
yesternight: there's a franklin in the
[p]wild of Kent hath brought
three hundred marks with
[p]him in gold: I heard him tell it to one of
his
[p]company last night at supper; a kind of auditor; one
[p]that
hath abundance of charge too, God knows what.
[p]They are up already,
and call for eggs and butter;
[p]they will away presently.
Gadshill : Sirrah, if they meet not with Saint Nicholas'
[p]clerks, I'll give
thee this neck.
Chamberlain : No, I'll none of it: I pray thee keep that for the
[p]hangman; for I
know thou worshippest St. Nicholas
[p]as truly as a man of falsehood
may.
Gadshill : What talkest thou to me of the hangman? if I hang,
[p]I'll make a fat
pair of gallows; for if I hang, old
[p]Sir John hangs with me, and
thou knowest he is no
[p]starveling. Tut! there are other Trojans that
thou
[p]dreamest not of, the which for sport sake are
[p]content to do
the profession some grace; that would,
[p]if matters should be looked
into, for their own
[p]credit sake, make all whole. I am joined with
no
[p]foot-land rakers, no long-staff sixpenny strikers,
[p]none of
these mad mustachio purple-hued malt-worms;
[p]but with nobility and
tranquillity, burgomasters and
[p]great oneyers, such as can hold in,
such as will
[p]strike sooner than speak, and speak sooner
than
[p]drink, and drink sooner than pray: and yet, zounds,
[p]I lie;
for they pray continually to their saint, the
[p]commonwealth; or
rather, not pray to her, but prey
[p]on her, for they ride up and down
on her and make
[p]her their boots.
Chamberlain : What, the commonwealth their boots? will she hold
[p]out water in foul
way?
Gadshill : She will, she will; justice hath liquored her. We
[p]steal as in a
castle, cocksure; we have the receipt
[p]of fern-seed, we walk
invisible.
Chamberlain : Nay, by my faith, I think you are more beholding to
[p]the night than
to fern-seed for your walking invisible.
Gadshill : Give me thy hand: thou shalt have a share in our
[p]purchase, as I am
a true man.
Chamberlain : Nay, rather let me have it, as you are a false thief.
Gadshill : Go to; 'homo' is a common name to all men. Bid the
[p]ostler bring my
gelding out of the stable. Farewell,
[p]you muddy knave.
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Next: Act 2 - Scene 2
