King Lear by William Shakespeare

Act 1 - Scene 5

Court before the Duke of Albany’s Palace. Enter Lear, Kent, and Fool.

Lear : Go you before to Gloucester with these letters. Acquaint
my [p]daughter no further with anything you know than comes from
her [p]demand out of the letter. If your diligence be not speedy,
I [p]shall be there afore you.

Earl of Kent : I will not sleep, my lord, till I have delivered your letter. Exit.

Fool : If a man's brains were in's heels, were't not in danger of [p]kibes?

Lear : Ay, boy.

Fool : Then I prithee be merry. Thy wit shall ne'er go slip-shod.

Lear : Ha, ha, ha!

Fool : Shalt see thy other daughter will use thee kindly; for though [p]she's
as like this as a crab's like an apple, yet I can tell [p]what I can
tell.

Lear : What canst tell, boy?

Fool : She'll taste as like this as a crab does to a crab. Thou [p]canst tell
why one's nose stands i' th' middle on's face?

Lear : No.

Fool : Why, to keep one's eyes of either side's nose, that what a [p]man
cannot smell out, 'a may spy into.

Lear : I did her wrong.

Fool : Canst tell how an oyster makes his shell?

Lear : No.

Fool : Nor I neither; but I can tell why a snail has a house.

Lear : Why?

Fool : Why, to put's head in; not to give it away to his daughters, [p]and
leave his horns without a case.

Lear : I will forget my nature. So kind a father!- Be my horses [p]ready?

Fool : Thy asses are gone about 'em. The reason why the seven stars [p]are no
moe than seven is a pretty reason.

Lear : Because they are not eight?

Fool : Yes indeed. Thou wouldst make a good fool.

Lear : To tak't again perforce! Monster ingratitude!

Fool : If thou wert my fool, nuncle, I'ld have thee beaten for being [p]old
before thy time.

Lear : How's that?

Fool : Thou shouldst not have been old till thou hadst been wise.

Lear : O, let me not be mad, not mad, sweet heaven! [p]Keep me in temper; I
would not be mad! [Enter a Gentleman.] [p]How now? Are the horses
ready?

Gentleman : Ready, my lord.

Lear : Come, boy.

Fool : She that's a maid now, and laughs at my departure, [p]Shall not be a
maid long, unless things be cut shorter

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