Merry Wives of Windsor by William Shakespeare
Act 2 - Scene 1
Before PAGE’S house.
Mistress Page : What, have I scaped love-letters in the holiday-
[p]time of my beauty,
and am I now a subject for them?
[p]Let me see.
[p][Reads]
[p]'Ask me
no reason why I love you; for though
[p]Love use Reason for his
physician, he admits him
[p]not for his counsellor. You are not young,
no more
[p]am I; go to then, there's sympathy: you are merry,
[p]so am
I; ha, ha! then there's more sympathy: you
[p]love sack, and so do I;
would you desire better
[p]sympathy? Let it suffice thee, Mistress
Page,--at
[p]the least, if the love of soldier can suffice,--
[p]that
I love thee. I will not say, pity me; 'tis
[p]not a soldier-like
phrase: but I say, love me. By me,
[p]Thine own true knight,
[p]By day
or night,
[p]Or any kind of light,
[p]With all his might
[p]For thee
to fight, JOHN FALSTAFF'
[p]What a Herod of Jewry is this! O
wicked
[p]world! One that is well-nigh worn to pieces with
[p]age to
show himself a young gallant! What an
[p]unweighed behavior hath this
Flemish drunkard
[p]picked--with the devil's name!--out of
my
[p]conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me?
[p]Why, he
hath not been thrice in my company! What
[p]should I say to him? I was
then frugal of my
[p]mirth: Heaven forgive me! Why, I'll exhibit a
bill
[p]in the parliament for the putting down of men. How
[p]shall I
be revenged on him? for revenged I will be,
[p]as sure as his guts are
made of puddings.
Mistress Ford : Mistress Page! trust me, I was going to your house.
Mistress Page : And, trust me, I was coming to you. You look very
[p]ill.
Mistress Ford : Nay, I'll ne'er believe that; I have to show to the contrary.
Mistress Page : Faith, but you do, in my mind.
Mistress Ford : Well, I do then; yet I say I could show you to the
[p]contrary. O
Mistress Page, give me some counsel!
Mistress Page : What's the matter, woman?
Mistress Ford : O woman, if it were not for one trifling respect, I
[p]could come to
such honour!
Mistress Page : Hang the trifle, woman! take the honour. What is
[p]it? dispense with
trifles; what is it?
Mistress Ford : If I would but go to hell for an eternal moment or so,
[p]I could be
knighted.
Mistress Page : What? thou liest! Sir Alice Ford! These knights
[p]will hack; and so
thou shouldst not alter the
[p]article of thy gentry.
Mistress Ford : We burn daylight: here, read, read; perceive how I
[p]might be
knighted. I shall think the worse of fat
[p]men, as long as I have an
eye to make difference of
[p]men's liking: and yet he would not swear;
praised
[p]women's modesty; and gave such orderly and
[p]well-behaved
reproof to all uncomeliness, that I
[p]would have sworn his
disposition would have gone to
[p]the truth of his words; but they do
no more adhere
[p]and keep place together than the Hundredth Psalm
to
[p]the tune of 'Green Sleeves.' What tempest, I trow,
[p]threw this
whale, with so many tuns of oil in his
[p]belly, ashore at Windsor?
How shall I be revenged
[p]on him? I think the best way were to
entertain him
[p]with hope, till the wicked fire of lust have
melted
[p]him in his own grease. Did you ever hear the like?
Mistress Page : Letter for letter, but that the name of Page and
[p]Ford differs! To
thy great comfort in this mystery
[p]of ill opinions, here's the
twin-brother of thy
[p]letter: but let thine inherit first; for,
I
[p]protest, mine never shall. I warrant he hath a
[p]thousand of
these letters, writ with blank space for
[p]different names--sure,
more,--and these are of the
[p]second edition: he will print them, out
of doubt;
[p]for he cares not what he puts into the press, when
[p]he
would put us two. I had rather be a giantess,
[p]and lie under Mount
Pelion. Well, I will find you
[p]twenty lascivious turtles ere one
chaste man.
Mistress Ford : Why, this is the very same; the very hand, the very
[p]words. What
doth he think of us?
Mistress Page : Nay, I know not: it makes me almost ready to
[p]wrangle with mine own
honesty. I'll entertain
[p]myself like one that I am not acquainted
withal;
[p]for, sure, unless he know some strain in me, that I
[p]know
not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury.
Mistress Ford : 'Boarding,' call you it? I'll be sure to keep him
[p]above deck.
Mistress Page : So will I. if he come under my hatches, I'll never
[p]to sea again.
Let's be revenged on him: let's
[p]appoint him a meeting; give him a
show of comfort in
[p]his suit and lead him on with a fine-baited
delay,
[p]till he hath pawned his horses to mine host of the Garter.
Mistress Ford : Nay, I will consent to act any villany against him,
[p]that may not
sully the chariness of our honesty. O,
[p]that my husband saw this
letter! it would give
[p]eternal food to his jealousy.
Mistress Page : Why, look where he comes; and my good man too: he's
[p]as far from
jealousy as I am from giving him cause;
[p]and that I hope is an
unmeasurable distance.
Mistress Ford : You are the happier woman.
Mistress Page : Let's consult together against this greasy knight.
[p]Come hither.
Ford : Well, I hope it be not so.
Ford : Why, sir, my wife is not young.
Ford : Love my wife!
Ford : What name, sir?
Ford : [Aside] I will be patient; I will find out this.
Page : 'The humour of it,' quoth a'! here's a fellow
[p]frights English out
of his wits.
Ford : I will seek out Falstaff.
Page : I never heard such a drawling, affecting rogue.
Ford : If I do find it: well.
Page : I will not believe such a Cataian, though the priest
[p]o' the town
commended him for a true man.
Ford : 'Twas a good sensible fellow: well.
Page : How now, Meg!
Mistress Page : Whither go you, George? Hark you.
Mistress Ford : How now, sweet Frank! why art thou melancholy?
Ford : I melancholy! I am not melancholy. Get you home, go.
Mistress Ford : Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy head. Now,
[p]will you go,
Mistress Page?
Mistress Page : Have with you. You'll come to dinner, George.
[p][Aside to MISTRESS
FORD]
[p]Look who comes yonder: she shall be our messenger
[p]to this
paltry knight.
Mistress Ford : [Aside to MISTRESS PAGE] Trust me, I thought on her:
[p]she'll fit
it.
Mistress Page : You are come to see my daughter Anne?
Mistress Page : Go in with us and see: we have an hour's talk with
[p]you.
Page : How now, Master Ford!
Ford : You heard what this knave told me, did you not?
Page : Yes: and you heard what the other told me?
Ford : Do you think there is truth in them?
Page : Hang 'em, slaves! I do not think the knight would
[p]offer it: but
these that accuse him in his intent
[p]towards our wives are a yoke of
his discarded men;
[p]very rogues, now they be out of service.
Ford : Were they his men?
Page : Marry, were they.
Ford : I like it never the better for that. Does he lie at
[p]the Garter?
Page : Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend this voyage
[p]towards my
wife, I would turn her loose to him; and
[p]what he gets more of her
than sharp words, let it
[p]lie on my head.
Ford : I do not misdoubt my wife; but I would be loath to
[p]turn them
together. A man may be too confident: I
[p]would have nothing lie on
my head: I cannot be thus satisfied.
Page : Look where my ranting host of the Garter comes:
[p]there is either
liquor in his pate or money in his
[p]purse when he looks so
merrily.
[p][Enter Host]
[p]How now, mine host!
Host : How now, bully-rook! thou'rt a gentleman.
[p]Cavaleiro-justice, I
say!
Host : Tell him, cavaleiro-justice; tell him, bully-rook.
Ford : Good mine host o' the Garter, a word with you.
Host : What sayest thou, my bully-rook?
Host : Hast thou no suit against my knight, my
[p]guest-cavaleire?
Ford : None, I protest: but I'll give you a pottle of
[p]burnt sack to give
me recourse to him and tell him
[p]my name is Brook; only for a jest.
Host : My hand, bully; thou shalt have egress and regress;
[p]--said I
well?--and thy name shall be Brook. It is
[p]a merry knight. Will you
go, An-heires?
Page : I have heard the Frenchman hath good skill in
[p]his rapier.
Host : Here, boys, here, here! shall we wag?
Page : Have with you. I would rather hear them scold than fight.
Ford : Though Page be a secure fool, an stands so firmly
[p]on his wife's
frailty, yet I cannot put off my
[p]opinion so easily: she was in his
company at Page's
[p]house; and what they made there, I know not.
Well,
[p]I will look further into't: and I have a disguise
[p]to sound
Falstaff. If I find her honest, I lose not
[p]my labour; if she be
otherwise, 'tis labour well bestowed.
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Next: Act 2 - Scene 2
