Merry Wives of Windsor by William Shakespeare
Act 4 - Scene 5
A room in the Garter Inn.
Host : What wouldst thou have, boor? what: thick-skin?
[p]speak, breathe,
discuss; brief, short, quick, snap.
Simple : Marry, sir, I come to speak with Sir John Falstaff
[p]from Master
Slender.
Host : There's his chamber, his house, his castle, his
[p]standing-bed and
truckle-bed; 'tis painted about
[p]with the story of the Prodigal,
fresh and new. Go
[p]knock and call; hell speak like an
Anthropophaginian
[p]unto thee: knock, I say.
Simple : There's an old woman, a fat woman, gone up into his
[p]chamber: I'll
be so bold as stay, sir, till she come
[p]down; I come to speak with
her, indeed.
Host : Ha! a fat woman! the knight may be robbed: I'll
[p]call. Bully knight!
bully Sir John! speak from
[p]thy lungs military: art thou there? it
is thine
[p]host, thine Ephesian, calls.
Host : Here's a Bohemian-Tartar tarries the coming down of
[p]thy fat woman.
Let her descend, bully, let her
[p]descend; my chambers are
honourable: fie! privacy?
[p]fie!
Simple : Pray you, sir, was't not the wise woman of
[p]Brentford?
Simple : My master, sir, Master Slender, sent to her, seeing
[p]her go through
the streets, to know, sir, whether
[p]one Nym, sir, that beguiled him
of a chain, had the
[p]chain or no.
Simple : And what says she, I pray, sir?
Simple : I would I could have spoken with the woman herself;
[p]I had other
things to have spoken with her too from
[p]him.
Host : Ay, come; quick.
Simple : I may not conceal them, sir.
Host : Conceal them, or thou diest.
Simple : Why, sir, they were nothing but about Mistress Anne
[p]Page; to know
if it were my master's fortune to
[p]have her or no.
Simple : What, sir?
Simple : May I be bold to say so, sir?
Simple : I thank your worship: I shall make my master glad
[p]with these
tidings.
Host : Thou art clerkly, thou art clerkly, Sir John. Was
[p]there a wise
woman with thee?
Bardolph : Out, alas, sir! cozenage, mere cozenage!
Host : Where be my horses? speak well of them, varletto.
Bardolph : Run away with the cozeners; for so soon as I came
[p]beyond Eton, they
threw me off from behind one of
[p]them, in a slough of mire; and set
spurs and away,
[p]like three German devils, three Doctor Faustuses.
Host : They are gone but to meet the duke, villain: do not
[p]say they be
fled; Germans are honest men.
Sir Hugh Evans : Where is mine host?
Host : What is the matter, sir?
Sir Hugh Evans : Have a care of your entertainments: there is a
[p]friend of mine come
to town tells me there is three
[p]cozen-germans that has cozened all
the hosts of
[p]Readins, of Maidenhead, of Colebrook, of horses
and
[p]money. I tell you for good will, look you: you
[p]are wise and
full of gibes and vlouting-stocks, and
[p]'tis not convenient you
should be cozened. Fare you well.
Doctor Caius : Vere is mine host de Jarteer?
Host : Here, master doctor, in perplexity and doubtful dilemma.
Doctor Caius : I cannot tell vat is dat: but it is tell-a me dat
[p]you make grand
preparation for a duke de Jamany: by
[p]my trot, dere is no duke dat
the court is know to
[p]come. I tell you for good vill: adieu.
Host : Hue and cry, villain, go! Assist me, knight. I am
[p]undone! Fly, run,
hue and cry, villain! I am undone!
Previous: Act 4 - Scene 4
Next: Act 4 - Scene 6
