Taming of the Shrew by William Shakespeare

Act 0 - Scene 1

Before an alehouse on a heath

Christopher Sly : I'll pheeze you, in faith.

Hostess : A pair of stocks, you rogue!

Christopher Sly : Y'are a baggage; the Slys are no rogues. Look in the [p]chronicles: we
came in with Richard Conqueror. Therefore, paucas [p]pallabris; let
the world slide. Sessa!

Hostess : You will not pay for the glasses you have burst?

Christopher Sly : No, not a denier. Go by, Saint Jeronimy, go to thy cold bed [p]and
warm thee.

Hostess : I know my remedy; I must go fetch the third-borough.

Christopher Sly : Third, or fourth, or fifth borough, I'll answer him by law. [p]I'll
not budge an inch, boy; let him come, and kindly. [p][Falls
asleep] [p] Wind horns. Enter a LORD from hunting, with his train

Lord : Huntsman, I charge thee, tender well my hounds; [p]Brach Merriman, the
poor cur, is emboss'd; [p]And couple Clowder with the deep-mouth'd
brach. [p]Saw'st thou not, boy, how Silver made it good [p]At the
hedge corner, in the coldest fault? [p]I would not lose the dog for
twenty pound.

First Huntsman : Why, Belman is as good as he, my lord; [p]He cried upon it at the
merest loss, [p]And twice to-day pick'd out the dullest
scent; [p]Trust me, I take him for the better dog.

Lord : Thou art a fool; if Echo were as fleet, [p]I would esteem him worth a
dozen such. [p]But sup them well, and look unto them all; [p]To-morrow
I intend to hunt again.

First Huntsman : I will, my lord.

Lord : What's here? One dead, or drunk? [p]See, doth he breathe?

Second Huntsman : He breathes, my lord. Were he not warm'd with ale, [p]This were a bed
but cold to sleep so soundly.

Lord : O monstrous beast, how like a swine he lies! [p]Grim death, how foul
and loathsome is thine image! [p]Sirs, I will practise on this drunken
man. [p]What think you, if he were convey'd to bed, [p]Wrapp'd in
sweet clothes, rings put upon his fingers, [p]A most delicious banquet
by his bed, [p]And brave attendants near him when he wakes, [p]Would
not the beggar then forget himself?

First Huntsman : Believe me, lord, I think he cannot choose.

Second Huntsman : It would seem strange unto him when he wak'd.

Lord : Even as a flatt'ring dream or worthless fancy. [p]Then take him up,
and manage well the jest: [p]Carry him gently to my fairest
chamber, [p]And hang it round with all my wanton pictures; [p]Balm his
foul head in warm distilled waters, [p]And burn sweet wood to make the
lodging sweet; [p]Procure me music ready when he wakes, [p]To make a
dulcet and a heavenly sound; [p]And if he chance to speak, be ready
straight, [p]And with a low submissive reverence [p]Say 'What is it
your honour will command?' [p]Let one attend him with a silver
basin [p]Full of rose-water and bestrew'd with flowers; [p]Another
bear the ewer, the third a diaper, [p]And say 'Will't please your
lordship cool your hands?' [p]Some one be ready with a costly
suit, [p]And ask him what apparel he will wear; [p]Another tell him of
his hounds and horse, [p]And that his lady mourns at his
disease; [p]Persuade him that he hath been lunatic, [p]And, when he
says he is, say that he dreams, [p]For he is nothing but a mighty
lord. [p]This do, and do it kindly, gentle sirs; [p]It will be pastime
passing excellent, [p]If it be husbanded with modesty.

First Huntsman : My lord, I warrant you we will play our part [p]As he shall think by
our true diligence [p]He is no less than what we say he is.

Lord : Take him up gently, and to bed with him; [p]And each one to his office
when he wakes. [p][SLY is carried out. A trumpet sounds] [p]Sirrah, go
see what trumpet 'tis that sounds- [p][Exit SERVANT] [p]Belike some
noble gentleman that means, [p]Travelling some journey, to repose him
here. [p][Re-enter a SERVINGMAN] [p]How now! who is it?

Servant : An't please your honour, players [p]That offer service to your
lordship.

Lord : Bid them come near. [p]Now, fellows, you are welcome.

Players : We thank your honour.

Lord : Do you intend to stay with me to-night?

Player : So please your lordship to accept our duty.

Lord : With all my heart. This fellow I remember [p]Since once he play'd a
farmer's eldest son; [p]'Twas where you woo'd the gentlewoman so
well. [p]I have forgot your name; but, sure, that part [p]Was aptly
fitted and naturally perform'd.

Player : I think 'twas Soto that your honour means.

Lord : 'Tis very true; thou didst it excellent. [p]Well, you are come to me
in happy time, [p]The rather for I have some sport in hand [p]Wherein
your cunning can assist me much. [p]There is a lord will hear you play
to-night; [p]But I am doubtful of your modesties, [p]Lest, over-eying
of his odd behaviour, [p]For yet his honour never heard a play, [p]You
break into some merry passion [p]And so offend him; for I tell you,
sirs, [p]If you should smile, he grows impatient.

Player : Fear not, my lord; we can contain ourselves, [p]Were he the veriest
antic in the world.

Lord : Go, sirrah, take them to the buttery, [p]And give them friendly
welcome every one; [p]Let them want nothing that my house
affords. [p][Exit one with the PLAYERS] [p]Sirrah, go you to
Bartholomew my page, [p]And see him dress'd in all suits like a
lady; [p]That done, conduct him to the drunkard's chamber, [p]And call
him 'madam,' do him obeisance. [p]Tell him from me- as he will win my
love- [p]He bear himself with honourable action, [p]Such as he hath
observ'd in noble ladies [p]Unto their lords, by them
accomplished; [p]Such duty to the drunkard let him do, [p]With soft
low tongue and lowly courtesy, [p]And say 'What is't your honour will
command, [p]Wherein your lady and your humble wife [p]May show her
duty and make known her love?' [p]And then with kind embracements,
tempting kisses, [p]And with declining head into his bosom, [p]Bid him
shed tears, as being overjoyed [p]To see her noble lord restor'd to
health, [p]Who for this seven years hath esteemed him [p]No better
than a poor and loathsome beggar. [p]And if the boy have not a woman's
gift [p]To rain a shower of commanded tears, [p]An onion will do well
for such a shift, [p]Which, in a napkin being close convey'd, [p]Shall
in despite enforce a watery eye. [p]See this dispatch'd with all the
haste thou canst; [p]Anon I'll give thee more instructions. Exit a
SERVINGMAN [p]I know the boy will well usurp the grace, [p]Voice,
gait, and action, of a gentlewoman; [p]I long to hear him call the
drunkard 'husband'; [p]And how my men will stay themselves from
laughter [p]When they do homage to this simple peasant. [p]I'll in to
counsel them; haply my presence [p]May well abate the over-merry
spleen, [p]Which otherwise would grow into extremes. Exeunt

Next: Act 0 - Scene 2