Taming of the Shrew by William Shakespeare

Act 3 - Scene 2

Padua. Before BAPTISTA’So house

Baptista Minola : [To TRANIO] Signior Lucentio, this is the 'pointed day [p]That
Katherine and Petruchio should be married, [p]And yet we hear not of
our son-in-law. [p]What will be said? What mockery will it be [p]To
want the bridegroom when the priest attends [p]To speak the ceremonial
rites of marriage! [p]What says Lucentio to this shame of ours?

Katherina : No shame but mine; I must, forsooth, be forc'd [p]To give my hand,
oppos'd against my heart, [p]Unto a mad-brain rudesby, full of
spleen, [p]Who woo'd in haste and means to wed at leisure. [p]I told
you, I, he was a frantic fool, [p]Hiding his bitter jests in blunt
behaviour; [p]And, to be noted for a merry man, [p]He'll woo a
thousand, 'point the day of marriage, [p]Make friends invited, and
proclaim the banns; [p]Yet never means to wed where he hath
woo'd. [p]Now must the world point at poor Katherine, [p]And say 'Lo,
there is mad Petruchio's wife, [p]If it would please him come and
marry her!'

Tranio : Patience, good Katherine, and Baptista too. [p]Upon my life, Petruchio
means but well, [p]Whatever fortune stays him from his word. [p]Though
he be blunt, I know him passing wise; [p]Though he be merry, yet
withal he's honest.

Katherina : Would Katherine had never seen him though!

Baptista Minola : Go, girl, I cannot blame thee now to weep, [p]For such an injury would
vex a very saint; [p]Much more a shrew of thy impatient
humour. [p][Enter BIONDELLO] [p]Master, master! News, and such old
news as you never heard of!

Baptista Minola : Is it new and old too? How may that be?

Biondello : Why, is it not news to hear of Petruchio's coming?

Baptista Minola : Is he come?

Biondello : Why, no, sir.

Baptista Minola : What then?

Biondello : He is coming.

Baptista Minola : When will he be here?

Biondello : When he stands where I am and sees you there.

Tranio : But, say, what to thine old news?

Biondello : Why, Petruchio is coming- in a new hat and an old [p]jerkin; a pair of
old breeches thrice turn'd; a pair of boots [p]that have been
candle-cases, one buckled, another lac'd; an old [p]rusty sword ta'en
out of the town armoury, with a broken hilt, [p]and chapeless; with
two broken points; his horse hipp'd, with an [p]old motley saddle and
stirrups of no kindred; besides, possess'd [p]with the glanders and
like to mose in the chine, troubled with [p]the lampass, infected with
the fashions, full of windgalls, sped [p]with spavins, rayed with the
yellows, past cure of the fives, [p]stark spoil'd with the staggers,
begnawn with the bots, sway'd in [p]the back and shoulder-shotten,
near-legg'd before, and with a [p]half-cheek'd bit, and a head-stall
of sheep's leather which, [p]being restrained to keep him from
stumbling, hath been often [p]burst, and now repaired with knots; one
girth six times piec'd, [p]and a woman's crupper of velure, which hath
two letters for her [p]name fairly set down in studs, and here and
there piec'd with [p]pack-thread.

Baptista Minola : Who comes with him?

Biondello : O, sir, his lackey, for all the world caparison'd like [p]the horse-
with a linen stock on one leg and a kersey boot-hose [p]on the other,
gart'red with a red and blue list; an old hat, and [p]the humour of
forty fancies prick'd in't for a feather; a [p]monster, a very monster
in apparel, and not like a Christian [p]footboy or a gentleman's
lackey.

Tranio : 'Tis some odd humour pricks him to this fashion; [p]Yet oftentimes lie
goes but mean-apparell'd.

Baptista Minola : I am glad he's come, howsoe'er he comes.

Biondello : Why, sir, he comes not.

Baptista Minola : Didst thou not say he comes?

Biondello : Who? that Petruchio came?

Baptista Minola : Ay, that Petruchio came.

Biondello : No, sir; I say his horse comes with him on his back.

Baptista Minola : Why, that's all one.

Biondello : Nay, by Saint Jamy, [p] I hold you a penny, [p] A
horse and a man [p] Is more than one, [p] And yet not
many.

Petruchio : Come, where be these gallants? Who's at home?

Baptista Minola : You are welcome, sir.

Petruchio : And yet I come not well.

Baptista Minola : And yet you halt not.

Tranio : Not so well apparell'd [p]As I wish you were.

Petruchio : Were it better, I should rush in thus. [p]But where is Kate? Where is
my lovely bride? [p]How does my father? Gentles, methinks you
frown; [p]And wherefore gaze this goodly company [p]As if they saw
some wondrous monument, [p]Some comet or unusual prodigy?

Baptista Minola : Why, sir, you know this is your wedding-day. [p]First were we sad,
fearing you would not come; [p]Now sadder, that you come so
unprovided. [p]Fie, doff this habit, shame to your estate, [p]An
eye-sore to our solemn festival!

Tranio : And tell us what occasion of import [p]Hath all so long detain'd you
from your wife, [p]And sent you hither so unlike yourself?

Petruchio : Tedious it were to tell, and harsh to hear; [p]Sufficeth I am come to
keep my word, [p]Though in some part enforced to digress, [p]Which at
more leisure I will so excuse [p]As you shall well be satisfied
withal. [p]But where is Kate? I stay too long from her; [p]The morning
wears, 'tis time we were at church.

Tranio : See not your bride in these unreverent robes; [p]Go to my chamber, put
on clothes of mine.

Petruchio : Not I, believe me; thus I'll visit her.

Baptista Minola : But thus, I trust, you will not marry her.

Petruchio : Good sooth, even thus; therefore ha' done with words; [p]To me she's
married, not unto my clothes. [p]Could I repair what she will wear in
me [p]As I can change these poor accoutrements, [p]'Twere well for
Kate and better for myself. [p]But what a fool am I to chat with
you, [p]When I should bid good-morrow to my bride [p]And seal the
title with a lovely kiss!

Tranio : He hath some meaning in his mad attire. [p]We will persuade him, be it
possible, [p]To put on better ere he go to church.

Baptista Minola : I'll after him and see the event of this.

Tranio : But to her love concerneth us to add [p]Her father's liking; which to
bring to pass, [p]As I before imparted to your worship, [p]I am to get
a man- whate'er he be [p]It skills not much; we'll fit him to our
turn- [p]And he shall be Vincentio of Pisa, [p]And make assurance here
in Padua [p]Of greater sums than I have promised. [p]So shall you
quietly enjoy your hope [p]And marry sweet Bianca with consent.

Lucentio : Were it not that my fellow schoolmaster [p]Doth watch Bianca's steps
so narrowly, [p]'Twere good, methinks, to steal our marriage; [p]Which
once perform'd, let all the world say no, [p]I'll keep mine own
despite of all the world.

Tranio : That by degrees we mean to look into [p]And watch our vantage in this
business; [p]We'll over-reach the greybeard, Gremio, [p]The
narrow-prying father, Minola, [p]The quaint musician, amorous
Licio- [p]All for my master's sake, Lucentio. [p][Re-enter
GREMIO] [p]Signior Gremio, came you from the church?

Gremio : As willingly as e'er I came from school.

Tranio : And is the bride and bridegroom coming home?

Gremio : A bridegroom, say you? 'Tis a groom indeed, [p]A grumbling groom, and
that the girl shall find.

Tranio : Curster than she? Why, 'tis impossible.

Gremio : Why, he's a devil, a devil, a very fiend.

Tranio : Why, she's a devil, a devil, the devil's dam.

Gremio : Tut, she's a lamb, a dove, a fool, to him! [p]I'll tell you, Sir
Lucentio: when the priest [p]Should ask if Katherine should be his
wife, [p]'Ay, by gogs-wouns' quoth he, and swore so loud [p]That, all
amaz'd, the priest let fall the book; [p]And as he stoop'd again to
take it up, [p]This mad-brain'd bridegroom took him such a
cuff [p]That down fell priest and book, and book and priest. [p]'Now
take them up,' quoth he 'if any list.'

Tranio : What said the wench, when he rose again?

Gremio : Trembled and shook, for why he stamp'd and swore [p]As if the vicar
meant to cozen him. [p]But after many ceremonies done [p]He calls for
wine: 'A health!' quoth he, as if [p]He had been abroad, carousing to
his mates [p]After a storm; quaff'd off the muscadel, [p]And threw the
sops all in the sexton's face, [p]Having no other reason [p]But that
his beard grew thin and hungerly [p]And seem'd to ask him sops as he
was drinking. [p]This done, he took the bride about the neck, [p]And
kiss'd her lips with such a clamorous smack [p]That at the parting all
the church did echo. [p]And I, seeing this, came thence for very
shame; [p]And after me, I know, the rout is coming. [p]Such a mad
marriage never was before. [p]Hark, hark! I hear the minstrels play.
[Music plays] [p] Enter PETRUCHIO, KATHERINA, BIANCA, BAPTISTA,
HORTENSIO, GRUMIO, and train

Petruchio : Gentlemen and friends, I thank you for your pains. [p]I know you think
to dine with me to-day, [p]And have prepar'd great store of wedding
cheer [p]But so it is- my haste doth call me hence, [p]And therefore
here I mean to take my leave.

Baptista Minola : Is't possible you will away to-night?

Petruchio : I must away to-day before night come. [p]Make it no wonder; if you
knew my business, [p]You would entreat me rather go than stay. [p]And,
honest company, I thank you all [p]That have beheld me give away
myself [p]To this most patient, sweet, and virtuous wife. [p]Dine with
my father, drink a health to me. [p]For I must hence; and farewell to
you all.

Tranio : Let us entreat you stay till after dinner.

Petruchio : It may not be.

Gremio : Let me entreat you.

Petruchio : It cannot be.

Katherina : Let me entreat you.

Petruchio : I am content.

Katherina : Are you content to stay?

Petruchio : I am content you shall entreat me stay; [p]But yet not stay, entreat
me how you can.

Katherina : Now, if you love me, stay.

Petruchio : Grumio, my horse.

Grumio : Ay, sir, they be ready; the oats have eaten the horses.

Katherina : Nay, then, [p]Do what thou canst, I will not go to-day; [p]No, nor
to-morrow, not till I please myself. [p]The door is open, sir; there
lies your way; [p]You may be jogging whiles your boots are
green; [p]For me, I'll not be gone till I please myself. [p]'Tis like
you'll prove a jolly surly groom [p]That take it on you at the first
so roundly.

Petruchio : O Kate, content thee; prithee be not angry.

Katherina : I will be angry; what hast thou to do? [p]Father, be quiet; he shall
stay my leisure.

Gremio : Ay, marry, sir, now it begins to work.

Katherina : Gentlemen, forward to the bridal dinner. [p]I see a woman may be made
a fool [p]If she had not a spirit to resist.

Petruchio : They shall go forward, Kate, at thy command. [p]Obey the bride, you
that attend on her; [p]Go to the feast, revel and domineer, [p]Carouse
full measure to her maidenhead; [p]Be mad and merry, or go hang
yourselves. [p]But for my bonny Kate, she must with me. [p]Nay, look
not big, nor stamp, nor stare, nor fret; [p]I will be master of what
is mine own- [p]She is my goods, my chattels, she is my house, [p]My
household stuff, my field, my barn, [p]My horse, my ox, my ass, my any
thing, [p]And here she stands; touch her whoever dare; [p]I'll bring
mine action on the proudest he [p]That stops my way in Padua.
Grumio, [p]Draw forth thy weapon; we are beset with thieves; [p]Rescue
thy mistress, if thou be a man. [p]Fear not, sweet wench; they shall
not touch thee, Kate; [p]I'll buckler thee against a million.

Baptista Minola : Nay, let them go, a couple of quiet ones.

Gremio : Went they not quickly, I should die with laughing.

Tranio : Of all mad matches, never was the like.

Lucentio : Mistress, what's your opinion of your sister?

Bianca : That, being mad herself, she's madly mated.

Gremio : I warrant him, Petruchio is Kated.

Baptista Minola : Neighbours and friends, though bride and bridegroom wants [p]For to
supply the places at the table, [p]You know there wants no junkets at
the feast. [p]Lucentio, you shall supply the bridegroom's
place; [p]And let Bianca take her sister's room.

Tranio : Shall sweet Bianca practise how to bride it?

Baptista Minola : She shall, Lucentio. Come, gentlemen, let's go.

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Next: Act 4 - Scene 1

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