Taming of the Shrew by William Shakespeare

Act 4 - Scene 1

PETRUCHIO’S country house

Petruchio : Who brought it?

Peter : I.

Petruchio : 'Tis burnt; and so is all the meat. [p]What dogs are these? Where is
the rascal cook? [p]How durst you villains bring it from the
dresser [p]And serve it thus to me that love it not? [p]There, take it
to you, trenchers, cups, and all; [p][Throws the meat, etc., at
them] [p]You heedless joltheads and unmanner'd slaves! [p]What, do you
grumble? I'll be with you straight.

Katherina : I pray you, husband, be not so disquiet; [p]The meat was well, if you
were so contented.

Petruchio : I tell thee, Kate, 'twas burnt and dried away, [p]And I expressly am
forbid to touch it; [p]For it engenders choler, planteth anger; [p]And
better 'twere that both of us did fast, [p]Since, of ourselves,
ourselves are choleric, [p]Than feed it with such over-roasted
flesh. [p]Be patient; to-morrow 't shall be mended. [p]And for this
night we'll fast for company. [p]Come, I will bring thee to thy bridal
chamber. Exeunt

Nathaniel : Peter, didst ever see the like?

Peter : He kills her in her own humour.

Grumio : Where is he?

Curtis : In her chamber. Making a sermon of continency to her, [p]And rails,
and swears, and rates, that she, poor soul, [p]Knows not which way to
stand, to look, to speak. [p]And sits as one new risen from a
dream. [p]Away, away! for he is coming hither. Exeunt

Petruchio : Thus have I politicly begun my reign, [p]And 'tis my hope to end
successfully. [p]My falcon now is sharp and passing empty. [p]And till
she stoop she must not be full-gorg'd, [p]For then she never looks
upon her lure. [p]Another way I have to man my haggard, [p]To make her
come, and know her keeper's call, [p]That is, to watch her, as we
watch these kites [p]That bate and beat, and will not be
obedient. [p]She eat no meat to-day, nor none shall eat; [p]Last night
she slept not, nor to-night she shall not; [p]As with the meat, some
undeserved fault [p]I'll find about the making of the bed; [p]And here
I'll fling the pillow, there the bolster, [p]This way the coverlet,
another way the sheets; [p]Ay, and amid this hurly I intend [p]That
all is done in reverend care of her- [p]And, in conclusion, she shall
watch all night; [p]And if she chance to nod I'll rail and
brawl [p]And with the clamour keep her still awake. [p]This is a way
to kill a wife with kindness, [p]And thus I'll curb her mad and
headstrong humour. [p]He that knows better how to tame a shrew, [p]Now
let him speak; 'tis charity to show. Exit

Grumio : Fie, fie on all tired jades, on all mad masters, and all [p]foul ways!
Was ever man so beaten? Was ever man so ray'd? Was [p]ever man so
weary? I am sent before to make a fire, and they are [p]coming after
to warm them. Now were not I a little pot and soon [p]hot, my very
lips might freeze to my teeth, my tongue to the roof [p]of my mouth,
my heart in my belly, ere I should come by a fire to [p]thaw me. But I
with blowing the fire shall warm myself; for, [p]considering the
weather, a taller man than I will take cold. [p]Holla, ho! Curtis!

Curtis : Who is that calls so coldly?

Grumio : A piece of ice. If thou doubt it, thou mayst slide from my [p]shoulder
to my heel with no greater a run but my head and my [p]neck. A fire,
good Curtis.

Curtis : Is my master and his wife coming, Grumio?

Grumio : O, ay, Curtis, ay; and therefore fire, fire; cast on no [p]water.

Curtis : Is she so hot a shrew as she's reported?

Grumio : She was, good Curtis, before this frost; but thou know'st [p]winter
tames man, woman, and beast; for it hath tam'd my old [p]master, and
my new mistress, and myself, fellow Curtis.

Curtis : Away, you three-inch fool! I am no beast.

Grumio : Am I but three inches? Why, thy horn is a foot, and so long [p]am I at
the least. But wilt thou make a fire, or shall I complain [p]on thee
to our mistress, whose hand- she being now at hand- thou [p]shalt soon
feel, to thy cold comfort, for being slow in thy hot [p]office?

Curtis : I prithee, good Grumio, tell me how goes the world?

Grumio : A cold world, Curtis, in every office but thine; and [p]therefore
fire. Do thy duty, and have thy duty, for my master and [p]mistress
are almost frozen to death.

Curtis : There's fire ready; and therefore, good Grumio, the news?

Grumio : Why, 'Jack boy! ho, boy!' and as much news as thou wilt.

Curtis : Come, you are so full of cony-catching!

Grumio : Why, therefore, fire; for I have caught extreme cold. [p]Where's the
cook? Is supper ready, the house trimm'd, rushes [p]strew'd, cobwebs
swept, the serving-men in their new fustian, [p]their white stockings,
and every officer his wedding-garment on? [p]Be the jacks fair within,
the jills fair without, the carpets [p]laid, and everything in order?

Curtis : All ready; and therefore, I pray thee, news.

Grumio : First know my horse is tired; my master and mistress fall'n [p]out.

Curtis : How?

Grumio : Out of their saddles into the dirt; and thereby hangs a [p]tale.

Curtis : Let's ha't, good Grumio.

Grumio : Lend thine ear.

Curtis : Here.

Grumio : There. [Striking him]

Curtis : This 'tis to feel a tale, not to hear a tale.

Grumio : And therefore 'tis call'd a sensible tale; and this cuff [p]was but to
knock at your car and beseech list'ning. Now I begin: [p]Imprimis, we
came down a foul hill, my master riding behind my [p]mistress-

Curtis : Both of one horse?

Grumio : What's that to thee?

Curtis : Why, a horse.

Grumio : Tell thou the tale. But hadst thou not cross'd me, thou [p]shouldst
have heard how her horse fell and she under her horse; [p]thou
shouldst have heard in how miry a place, how she was [p]bemoil'd, how
he left her with the horse upon her, how he beat me [p]because her
horse stumbled, how she waded through the dirt to [p]pluck him off me,
how he swore, how she pray'd that never pray'd [p]before, how I cried,
how the horses ran away, how her bridle was [p]burst, how I lost my
crupper- with many things of worthy memory, [p]which now shall die in
oblivion, and thou return unexperienc'd to [p]thy grave.

Curtis : By this reck'ning he is more shrew than she.

Grumio : Ay, and that thou and the proudest of you all shall find [p]when he
comes home. But what talk I of this? Call forth [p]Nathaniel, Joseph,
Nicholas, Philip, Walter, Sugarsop, and the [p]rest; let their heads
be sleekly comb'd, their blue coats brush'd [p]and their garters of an
indifferent knit; let them curtsy with [p]their left legs, and not
presume to touch a hair of my mastcr's [p]horse-tail till they kiss
their hands. Are they all ready?

Curtis : They are.

Grumio : Call them forth.

Curtis : Do you hear, ho? You must meet my master, to countenance
my [p]mistress.

Grumio : Why, she hath a face of her own.

Curtis : Who knows not that?

Grumio : Thou, it seems, that calls for company to countenance her.

Curtis : I call them forth to credit her.

Grumio : Why, she comes to borrow nothing of them.

Nathaniel : Welcome home, Grumio!

Philip : How now, Grumio!

Joseph : What, Grumio!

Nicholas : Fellow Grumio!

Nathaniel : How now, old lad!

Grumio : Welcome, you!- how now, you!- what, you!- fellow, you!- and [p]thus
much for greeting. Now, my spruce companions, is all ready, [p]and all
things neat?

Nathaniel : All things is ready. How near is our master?

Grumio : E'en at hand, alighted by this; and therefore be not- [p]Cock's
passion, silence! I hear my master.

Petruchio : Where be these knaves? What, no man at door [p]To hold my stirrup nor
to take my horse! [p]Where is Nathaniel, Gregory, Philip?

Servants : Here, here, sir; here, sir.

Petruchio : Here, sir! here, sir! here, sir! here, sir! [p]You logger-headed and
unpolish'd grooms! [p]What, no attendance? no regard? no
duty? [p]Where is the foolish knave I sent before?

Grumio : Here, sir; as foolish as I was before.

Petruchio : YOU peasant swain! you whoreson malt-horse drudge! [p]Did I not bid
thee meet me in the park [p]And bring along these rascal knaves with
thee?

Grumio : Nathaniel's coat, sir, was not fully made, [p]And Gabriel's pumps were
all unpink'd i' th' heel; [p]There was no link to colour Peter's
hat, [p]And Walter's dagger was not come from sheathing; [p]There were
none fine but Adam, Ralph, and Gregory; [p]The rest were ragged, old,
and beggarly; [p]Yet, as they are, here are they come to meet you.

Petruchio : Go, rascals, go and fetch my supper in. [p][Exeunt some of the
SERVINGMEN] [p][Sings] Where is the life that late I led? [p]
Where are those- [p]Sit down, Kate, and welcome. Soud, soud, soud,
soud! [p][Re-enter SERVANTS with supper] [p]Why, when, I say? Nay,
good sweet Kate, be merry. [p]Off with my boots, you rogues! you
villains, when? [p][Sings] It was the friar of orders grey, [p]
As he forth walked on his way- [p]Out, you rogue! you pluck my foot
awry; [p]Take that, and mend the plucking off the other. [p][Strikes
him] [p]Be merry, Kate. Some water, here, what, ho! [p][Enter one with
water] [p]Where's my spaniel Troilus? Sirrah, get you hence, [p]And
bid my cousin Ferdinand come hither: [p][Exit SERVINGMAN] [p]One,
Kate, that you must kiss and be acquainted with. [p]Where are my
slippers? Shall I have some water? [p]Come, Kate, and wash, and
welcome heartily. [p]You whoreson villain! will you let it fall?
[Strikes him]

Katherina : Patience, I pray you; 'twas a fault unwilling.

Petruchio : A whoreson, beetle-headed, flap-ear'd knave! [p]Come, Kate, sit down;
I know you have a stomach. [p]Will you give thanks, sweet Kate, or
else shall I? [p]What's this? Mutton?

First Servant : Ay.

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