Troilus and Cressida by William Shakespeare
Act 1 - Scene 2
The Same. A street.
Cressida : Who were those went by?
Alexander : Queen Hecuba and Helen.
Cressida : And whither go they?
Alexander : Up to the eastern tower,
[p]Whose height commands as subject all the
vale,
[p]To see the battle. Hector, whose patience
[p]Is, as a virtue,
fix'd, to-day was moved:
[p]He chid Andromache and struck his
armourer,
[p]And, like as there were husbandry in war,
[p]Before the
sun rose he was harness'd light,
[p]And to the field goes he; where
every flower
[p]Did, as a prophet, weep what it foresaw
[p]In Hector's
wrath.
Cressida : What was his cause of anger?
Alexander : The noise goes, this: there is among the Greeks
[p]A lord of Trojan
blood, nephew to Hector;
[p]They call him Ajax.
Cressida : Good; and what of him?
Alexander : They say he is a very man per se,
[p]And stands alone.
Cressida : So do all men, unless they are drunk, sick, or have no legs.
Alexander : This man, lady, hath robbed many beasts of their
[p]particular
additions; he is as valiant as the lion,
[p]churlish as the bear, slow
as the elephant: a man
[p]into whom nature hath so crowded humours
that his
[p]valour is crushed into folly, his folly sauced
with
[p]discretion: there is no man hath a virtue that he
[p]hath not
a glimpse of, nor any man an attaint but he
[p]carries some stain of
it: he is melancholy without
[p]cause, and merry against the hair: he
hath the
[p]joints of every thing, but everything so out of
joint
[p]that he is a gouty Briareus, many hands and no use,
[p]or
purblind Argus, all eyes and no sight.
Cressida : But how should this man, that makes
[p]me smile, make Hector angry?
Alexander : They say he yesterday coped Hector in the battle and
[p]struck him
down, the disdain and shame whereof hath
[p]ever since kept Hector
fasting and waking.
Cressida : Who comes here?
Alexander : Madam, your uncle Pandarus.
Cressida : Hector's a gallant man.
Alexander : As may be in the world, lady.
Pandarus : What's that? what's that?
Cressida : Good morrow, uncle Pandarus.
Pandarus : Good morrow, cousin Cressid: what do you talk of?
[p]Good morrow,
Alexander. How do you, cousin? When
[p]were you at Ilium?
Cressida : This morning, uncle.
Pandarus : What were you talking of when I came? Was Hector
[p]armed and gone ere
ye came to Ilium? Helen was not
[p]up, was she?
Cressida : Hector was gone, but Helen was not up.
Pandarus : Even so: Hector was stirring early.
Cressida : That were we talking of, and of his anger.
Pandarus : Was he angry?
Cressida : So he says here.
Pandarus : True, he was so: I know the cause too: he'll lay
[p]about him to-day,
I can tell them that: and there's
[p]Troilus will not come far behind
him: let them take
[p]heed of Troilus, I can tell them that too.
Cressida : What, is he angry too?
Pandarus : Who, Troilus? Troilus is the better man of the two.
Cressida : O Jupiter! there's no comparison.
Pandarus : What, not between Troilus and Hector? Do you know a
[p]man if you see
him?
Cressida : Ay, if I ever saw him before and knew him.
Pandarus : Well, I say Troilus is Troilus.
Cressida : Then you say as I say; for, I am sure, he is not Hector.
Pandarus : No, nor Hector is not Troilus in some degrees.
Cressida : 'Tis just to each of them; he is himself.
Pandarus : Himself! Alas, poor Troilus! I would he were.
Cressida : So he is.
Pandarus : Condition, I had gone barefoot to India.
Cressida : He is not Hector.
Pandarus : Himself! no, he's not himself: would a' were
[p]himself! Well, the
gods are above; time must friend
[p]or end: well, Troilus, well: I
would my heart were
[p]in her body. No, Hector is not a better man
than Troilus.
Cressida : Excuse me.
Pandarus : He is elder.
Cressida : Pardon me, pardon me.
Pandarus : Th' other's not come to't; you shall tell me another
[p]tale, when th'
other's come to't. Hector shall not
[p]have his wit this year.
Cressida : He shall not need it, if he have his own.
Pandarus : Nor his qualities.
Cressida : No matter.
Pandarus : Nor his beauty.
Cressida : 'Twould not become him; his own's better.
Pandarus : You have no judgment, niece: Helen
[p]herself swore th' other day,
that Troilus, for
[p]a brown favour--for so 'tis, I must
confess,--
[p]not brown neither,--
Cressida : No, but brown.
Pandarus : 'Faith, to say truth, brown and not brown.
Cressida : To say the truth, true and not true.
Pandarus : She praised his complexion above Paris.
Cressida : Why, Paris hath colour enough.
Pandarus : So he has.
Cressida : Then Troilus should have too much: if she praised
[p]him above, his
complexion is higher than his; he
[p]having colour enough, and the
other higher, is too
[p]flaming a praise for a good complexion. I had
as
[p]lief Helen's golden tongue had commended Troilus for
[p]a copper
nose.
Pandarus : I swear to you. I think Helen loves him better than Paris.
Cressida : Then she's a merry Greek indeed.
Pandarus : Nay, I am sure she does. She came to him th' other
[p]day into the
compassed window,--and, you know, he
[p]has not past three or four
hairs on his chin,--
Cressida : Indeed, a tapster's arithmetic may soon bring his
[p]particulars
therein to a total.
Pandarus : Why, he is very young: and yet will he, within
[p]three pound, lift as
much as his brother Hector.
Cressida : Is he so young a man and so old a lifter?
Pandarus : But to prove to you that Helen loves him: she came
[p]and puts me her
white hand to his cloven chin--
Cressida : Juno have mercy! how came it cloven?
Pandarus : Why, you know 'tis dimpled: I think his smiling
[p]becomes him better
than any man in all Phrygia.
Cressida : O, he smiles valiantly.
Pandarus : Does he not?
Cressida : O yes, an 'twere a cloud in autumn.
Pandarus : Why, go to, then: but to prove to you that Helen
[p]loves Troilus,--
Cressida : Troilus will stand to the proof, if you'll
[p]prove it so.
Pandarus : Troilus! why, he esteems her no more than I esteem
[p]an addle egg.
Cressida : If you love an addle egg as well as you love an idle
[p]head, you
would eat chickens i' the shell.
Pandarus : I cannot choose but laugh, to think how she tickled
[p]his chin:
indeed, she has a marvellous white hand, I
[p]must needs confess,--
Cressida : Without the rack.
Pandarus : And she takes upon her to spy a white hair on his chin.
Cressida : Alas, poor chin! many a wart is richer.
Pandarus : But there was such laughing! Queen Hecuba laughed
[p]that her eyes ran
o'er.
Cressida : With mill-stones.
Pandarus : And Cassandra laughed.
Cressida : But there was more temperate fire under the pot of
[p]her eyes: did
her eyes run o'er too?
Pandarus : And Hector laughed.
Cressida : At what was all this laughing?
Pandarus : Marry, at the white hair that Helen spied on Troilus' chin.
Cressida : An't had been a green hair, I should have laughed
[p]too.
Pandarus : They laughed not so much at the hair as at his pretty answer.
Cressida : What was his answer?
Pandarus : Quoth she, 'Here's but two and fifty hairs on your
[p]chin, and one of
them is white.
Cressida : This is her question.
Pandarus : That's true; make no question of that. 'Two and
[p]fifty hairs' quoth
he, 'and one white: that white
[p]hair is my father, and all the rest
are his sons.'
[p]'Jupiter!' quoth she, 'which of these hairs is
Paris,
[p]my husband? 'The forked one,' quoth he, 'pluck't
[p]out, and
give it him.' But there was such laughing!
[p]and Helen so blushed, an
Paris so chafed, and all the
[p]rest so laughed, that it passed.
Cressida : So let it now; for it has been while going by.
Pandarus : Well, cousin. I told you a thing yesterday; think on't.
Cressida : So I do.
Pandarus : I'll be sworn 'tis true; he will weep you, an 'twere
[p]a man born in
April.
Cressida : And I'll spring up in his tears, an 'twere a nettle
[p]against May.
Pandarus : Hark! they are coming from the field: shall we
[p]stand up here, and
see them as they pass toward
[p]Ilium? good niece, do, sweet niece
Cressida.
Cressida : At your pleasure.
Pandarus : Here, here, here's an excellent place; here we may
[p]see most
bravely: I'll tell you them all by their
[p]names as they pass by; but
mark Troilus above the rest.
Cressida : Speak not so loud.
Pandarus : That's AEneas: is not that a brave man? he's one of
[p]the flowers of
Troy, I can tell you: but mark
[p]Troilus; you shall see anon.
Cressida : Who's that?
Pandarus : That's Antenor: he has a shrewd wit, I can tell you;
[p]and he's a man
good enough, he's one o' the soundest
[p]judgments in whosoever, and a
proper man of person.
[p]When comes Troilus? I'll show you Troilus
anon: if
[p]he see me, you shall see him nod at me.
Cressida : Will he give you the nod?
Pandarus : You shall see.
Cressida : If he do, the rich shall have more.
Pandarus : That's Hector, that, that, look you, that; there's a
[p]fellow! Go thy
way, Hector! There's a brave man,
[p]niece. O brave Hector! Look how
he looks! there's
[p]a countenance! is't not a brave man?
Cressida : O, a brave man!
Pandarus : Is a' not? it does a man's heart good. Look you
[p]what hacks are on
his helmet! look you yonder, do
[p]you see? look you there: there's no
jesting;
[p]there's laying on, take't off who will, as they
say:
[p]there be hacks!
Cressida : Be those with swords?
Pandarus : Swords! any thing, he cares not; an the devil come
[p]to him, it's all
one: by God's lid, it does one's
[p]heart good. Yonder comes Paris,
yonder comes Paris.
[p][PARIS passes]
[p]Look ye yonder, niece; is't
not a gallant man too,
[p]is't not? Why, this is brave now. Who said
he came
[p]hurt home to-day? he's not hurt: why, this will
do
[p]Helen's heart good now, ha! Would I could see
[p]Troilus now!
You shall see Troilus anon.
Cressida : Who's that?
Pandarus : That's Helenus. I marvel where Troilus is. That's
[p]Helenus. I think
he went not forth to-day. That's Helenus.
Cressida : Can Helenus fight, uncle?
Pandarus : Helenus? no. Yes, he'll fight indifferent well. I
[p]marvel where
Troilus is. Hark! do you not hear the
[p]people cry 'Troilus'? Helenus
is a priest.
Cressida : What sneaking fellow comes yonder?
Pandarus : Where? yonder? that's Deiphobus. 'Tis Troilus!
[p]there's a man,
niece! Hem! Brave Troilus! the
[p]prince of chivalry!
Cressida : Peace, for shame, peace!
Pandarus : Mark him; note him. O brave Troilus! Look well upon
[p]him, niece:
look you how his sword is bloodied, and
[p]his helm more hacked than
Hector's, and how he looks,
[p]and how he goes! O admirable youth! he
ne'er saw
[p]three and twenty. Go thy way, Troilus, go thy way!
[p]Had
I a sister were a grace, or a daughter a goddess,
[p]he should take
his choice. O admirable man! Paris?
[p]Paris is dirt to him; and, I
warrant, Helen, to
[p]change, would give an eye to boot.
Cressida : Here come more.
Pandarus : Asses, fools, dolts! chaff and bran, chaff and bran!
[p]porridge after
meat! I could live and die i' the
[p]eyes of Troilus. Ne'er look,
ne'er look: the eagles
[p]are gone: crows and daws, crows and daws! I
had
[p]rather be such a man as Troilus than Agamemnon and
[p]all
Greece.
Cressida : There is among the Greeks Achilles, a better man than Troilus.
Pandarus : Achilles! a drayman, a porter, a very camel.
Cressida : Well, well.
Pandarus : 'Well, well!' why, have you any discretion? have
[p]you any eyes? Do
you know what a man is? Is not
[p]birth, beauty, good shape,
discourse, manhood,
[p]learning, gentleness, virtue, youth,
liberality,
[p]and such like, the spice and salt that season a man?
Cressida : Ay, a minced man: and then to be baked with no date
[p]in the pie, for
then the man's date's out.
Pandarus : You are such a woman! one knows not at what ward you
[p]lie.
Cressida : Upon my back, to defend my belly; upon my wit, to
[p]defend my wiles;
upon my secrecy, to defend mine
[p]honesty; my mask, to defend my
beauty; and you, to
[p]defend all these: and at all these wards I lie,
at a
[p]thousand watches.
Pandarus : Say one of your watches.
Cressida : Nay, I'll watch you for that; and that's one of the
[p]chiefest of
them too: if I cannot ward what I would
[p]not have hit, I can watch
you for telling how I took
[p]the blow; unless it swell past hiding,
and then it's
[p]past watching.
Pandarus : You are such another!
Boy : Sir, my lord would instantly speak with you.
Pandarus : Where?
Boy : At your own house; there he unarms him.
Pandarus : Good boy, tell him I come.
[p][Exit boy]
[p]I doubt he be hurt. Fare
ye well, good niece.
Cressida : Adieu, uncle.
Pandarus : I'll be with you, niece, by and by.
Cressida : To bring, uncle?
Pandarus : Ay, a token from Troilus.
Cressida : By the same token, you are a bawd.
[p][Exit PANDARUS]
[p]Words, vows,
gifts, tears, and love's full sacrifice,
[p]He offers in another's
enterprise;
[p]But more in Troilus thousand fold I see
[p]Than in the
glass of Pandar's praise may be;
[p]Yet hold I off. Women are angels,
wooing:
[p]Things won are done; joy's soul lies in the doing.
[p]That
she beloved knows nought that knows not this:
[p]Men prize the thing
ungain'd more than it is:
[p]That she was never yet that ever
knew
[p]Love got so sweet as when desire did sue.
[p]Therefore this
maxim out of love I teach:
[p]Achievement is command; ungain'd,
beseech:
[p]Then though my heart's content firm love doth
bear,
[p]Nothing of that shall from mine eyes appear.
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