Twelfth Night by William Shakespeare

Act 5 - Scene 1

Before OLIVIA’s house.

Fabian : Now, as thou lovest me, let me see his letter.

Feste : Good Master Fabian, grant me another request.

Fabian : Any thing.

Feste : Do not desire to see this letter.

Fabian : This is, to give a dog, and in recompense desire my [p]dog again.

Orsino : Belong you to the Lady Olivia, friends?

Feste : Ay, sir; we are some of her trappings.

Orsino : I know thee well; how dost thou, my good fellow?

Feste : Truly, sir, the better for my foes and the worse [p]for my friends.

Orsino : Just the contrary; the better for thy friends.

Feste : No, sir, the worse.

Orsino : How can that be?

Feste : Marry, sir, they praise me and make an ass of me; [p]now my foes tell
me plainly I am an ass: so that by [p]my foes, sir I profit in the
knowledge of myself, [p]and by my friends, I am abused: so
that, [p]conclusions to be as kisses, if your four negatives [p]make
your two affirmatives why then, the worse for [p]my friends and the
better for my foes.

Orsino : Why, this is excellent.

Feste : By my troth, sir, no; though it please you to be [p]one of my
friends.

Orsino : Thou shalt not be the worse for me: there's gold.

Feste : But that it would be double-dealing, sir, I would [p]you could make it
another.

Orsino : O, you give me ill counsel.

Feste : Put your grace in your pocket, sir, for this once, [p]and let your
flesh and blood obey it.

Orsino : Well, I will be so much a sinner, to be a [p]double-dealer: there's
another.

Feste : Primo, secundo, tertio, is a good play; and the old [p]saying is, the
third pays for all: the triplex, [p]sir, is a good tripping measure;
or the bells of [p]Saint Bennet, sir, may put you in mind; one, two,
three.

Orsino : You can fool no more money out of me at this throw: [p]if you will let
your lady know I am here to speak [p]with her, and bring her along
with you, it may awake [p]my bounty further.

Feste : Marry, sir, lullaby to your bounty till I come [p]again. I go, sir;
but I would not have you to think [p]that my desire of having is the
sin of covetousness: [p]but, as you say, sir, let your bounty take a
nap, I [p]will awake it anon.

Viola : Here comes the man, sir, that did rescue me.

Orsino : That face of his I do remember well; [p]Yet, when I saw it last, it
was besmear'd [p]As black as Vulcan in the smoke of war: [p]A bawbling
vessel was he captain of, [p]For shallow draught and bulk
unprizable; [p]With which such scathful grapple did he make [p]With
the most noble bottom of our fleet, [p]That very envy and the tongue
of loss [p]Cried fame and honour on him. What's the matter?

First Officer : Orsino, this is that Antonio [p]That took the Phoenix and her fraught
from Candy; [p]And this is he that did the Tiger board, [p]When your
young nephew Titus lost his leg: [p]Here in the streets, desperate of
shame and state, [p]In private brabble did we apprehend him.

Viola : He did me kindness, sir, drew on my side; [p]But in conclusion put
strange speech upon me: [p]I know not what 'twas but distraction.

Orsino : Notable pirate! thou salt-water thief! [p]What foolish boldness
brought thee to their mercies, [p]Whom thou, in terms so bloody and so
dear, [p]Hast made thine enemies?

Antonio : Orsino, noble sir, [p]Be pleased that I shake off these names you give
me: [p]Antonio never yet was thief or pirate, [p]Though I confess, on
base and ground enough, [p]Orsino's enemy. A witchcraft drew me
hither: [p]That most ingrateful boy there by your side, [p]From the
rude sea's enraged and foamy mouth [p]Did I redeem; a wreck past hope
he was: [p]His life I gave him and did thereto add [p]My love, without
retention or restraint, [p]All his in dedication; for his sake [p]Did
I expose myself, pure for his love, [p]Into the danger of this adverse
town; [p]Drew to defend him when he was beset: [p]Where being
apprehended, his false cunning, [p]Not meaning to partake with me in
danger, [p]Taught him to face me out of his acquaintance, [p]And grew
a twenty years removed thing [p]While one would wink; denied me mine
own purse, [p]Which I had recommended to his use [p]Not half an hour
before.

Viola : How can this be?

Orsino : When came he to this town?

Antonio : To-day, my lord; and for three months before, [p]No interim, not a
minute's vacancy, [p]Both day and night did we keep company.

Orsino : Here comes the countess: now heaven walks on earth. [p]But for thee,
fellow; fellow, thy words are madness: [p]Three months this youth hath
tended upon me; [p]But more of that anon. Take him aside.

Olivia : What would my lord, but that he may not have, [p]Wherein Olivia may
seem serviceable? [p]Cesario, you do not keep promise with me.

Viola : Madam!

Orsino : Gracious Olivia,--

Olivia : What do you say, Cesario? Good my lord,--

Viola : My lord would speak; my duty hushes me.

Olivia : If it be aught to the old tune, my lord, [p]It is as fat and fulsome
to mine ear [p]As howling after music.

Orsino : Still so cruel?

Olivia : Still so constant, lord.

Orsino : What, to perverseness? you uncivil lady, [p]To whose ingrate and
unauspicious altars [p]My soul the faithfull'st offerings hath
breathed out [p]That e'er devotion tender'd! What shall I do?

Olivia : Even what it please my lord, that shall become him.

Orsino : Why should I not, had I the heart to do it, [p]Like to the Egyptian
thief at point of death, [p]Kill what I love?--a savage
jealousy [p]That sometimes savours nobly. But hear me this: [p]Since
you to non-regardance cast my faith, [p]And that I partly know the
instrument [p]That screws me from my true place in your
favour, [p]Live you the marble-breasted tyrant still; [p]But this your
minion, whom I know you love, [p]And whom, by heaven I swear, I tender
dearly, [p]Him will I tear out of that cruel eye, [p]Where he sits
crowned in his master's spite. [p]Come, boy, with me; my thoughts are
ripe in mischief: [p]I'll sacrifice the lamb that I do love, [p]To
spite a raven's heart within a dove.

Viola : And I, most jocund, apt and willingly, [p]To do you rest, a thousand
deaths would die.

Olivia : Where goes Cesario?

Viola : After him I love [p]More than I love these eyes, more than my
life, [p]More, by all mores, than e'er I shall love wife. [p]If I do
feign, you witnesses above [p]Punish my life for tainting of my love!

Olivia : Ay me, detested! how am I beguiled!

Viola : Who does beguile you? who does do you wrong?

Olivia : Hast thou forgot thyself? is it so long? [p]Call forth the holy
father.

Orsino : Come, away!

Olivia : Whither, my lord? Cesario, husband, stay.

Orsino : Husband!

Olivia : Ay, husband: can he that deny?

Orsino : Her husband, sirrah!

Viola : No, my lord, not I.

Olivia : Alas, it is the baseness of thy fear [p]That makes thee strangle thy
propriety: [p]Fear not, Cesario; take thy fortunes up; [p]Be that thou
know'st thou art, and then thou art [p]As great as that thou
fear'st. [p][Enter Priest] [p]O, welcome, father! [p]Father, I charge
thee, by thy reverence, [p]Here to unfold, though lately we
intended [p]To keep in darkness what occasion now [p]Reveals before
'tis ripe, what thou dost know [p]Hath newly pass'd between this youth
and me.

Priest : A contract of eternal bond of love, [p]Confirm'd by mutual joinder of
your hands, [p]Attested by the holy close of lips, [p]Strengthen'd by
interchangement of your rings; [p]And all the ceremony of this
compact [p]Seal'd in my function, by my testimony: [p]Since when, my
watch hath told me, toward my grave [p]I have travell'd but two
hours.

Orsino : O thou dissembling cub! what wilt thou be [p]When time hath sow'd a
grizzle on thy case? [p]Or will not else thy craft so quickly
grow, [p]That thine own trip shall be thine overthrow? [p]Farewell,
and take her; but direct thy feet [p]Where thou and I henceforth may
never meet.

Viola : My lord, I do protest--

Olivia : O, do not swear! [p]Hold little faith, though thou hast too much
fear.

Sir Andrew Aguecheek : For the love of God, a surgeon! Send one presently [p]to Sir Toby.

Olivia : What's the matter?

Sir Andrew Aguecheek : He has broke my head across and has given Sir Toby [p]a bloody coxcomb
too: for the love of God, your [p]help! I had rather than forty pound
I were at home.

Olivia : Who has done this, Sir Andrew?

Sir Andrew Aguecheek : The count's gentleman, one Cesario: we took him for [p]a coward, but
he's the very devil incardinate.

Orsino : My gentleman, Cesario?

Sir Andrew Aguecheek : 'Od's lifelings, here he is! You broke my head for [p]nothing; and
that that I did, I was set on to do't [p]by Sir Toby.

Viola : Why do you speak to me? I never hurt you: [p]You drew your sword upon
me without cause; [p]But I bespoke you fair, and hurt you not.

Sir Andrew Aguecheek : If a bloody coxcomb be a hurt, you have hurt me: I [p]think you set
nothing by a bloody coxcomb. [p][Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and
Clown] [p]Here comes Sir Toby halting; you shall hear more: [p]but if
he had not been in drink, he would have [p]tickled you othergates than
he did.

Orsino : How now, gentleman! how is't with you?

Sir Toby Belch : That's all one: has hurt me, and there's the end [p]on't. Sot, didst
see Dick surgeon, sot?

Feste : O, he's drunk, Sir Toby, an hour agone; his eyes [p]were set at eight
i' the morning.

Sir Toby Belch : Then he's a rogue, and a passy measures panyn: I [p]hate a drunken
rogue.

Olivia : Away with him! Who hath made this havoc with them?

Sir Andrew Aguecheek : I'll help you, Sir Toby, because well be dressed together.

Sir Toby Belch : Will you help? an ass-head and a coxcomb and a [p]knave, a thin-faced
knave, a gull!

Olivia : Get him to bed, and let his hurt be look'd to.

Sebastian : I am sorry, madam, I have hurt your kinsman: [p]But, had it been the
brother of my blood, [p]I must have done no less with wit and
safety. [p]You throw a strange regard upon me, and by that [p]I do
perceive it hath offended you: [p]Pardon me, sweet one, even for the
vows [p]We made each other but so late ago.

Orsino : One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons, [p]A natural
perspective, that is and is not!

Sebastian : Antonio, O my dear Antonio! [p]How have the hours rack'd and tortured
me, [p]Since I have lost thee!

Antonio : Sebastian are you?

Sebastian : Fear'st thou that, Antonio?

Antonio : How have you made division of yourself? [p]An apple, cleft in two, is
not more twin [p]Than these two creatures. Which is Sebastian?

Olivia : Most wonderful!

Sebastian : Do I stand there? I never had a brother; [p]Nor can there be that
deity in my nature, [p]Of here and every where. I had a
sister, [p]Whom the blind waves and surges have devour'd. [p]Of
charity, what kin are you to me? [p]What countryman? what name? what
parentage?

Viola : Of Messaline: Sebastian was my father; [p]Such a Sebastian was my
brother too, [p]So went he suited to his watery tomb: [p]If spirits
can assume both form and suit [p]You come to fright us.

Sebastian : A spirit I am indeed; [p]But am in that dimension grossly
clad [p]Which from the womb I did participate. [p]Were you a woman, as
the rest goes even, [p]I should my tears let fall upon your
cheek, [p]And say 'Thrice-welcome, drowned Viola!'

Viola : My father had a mole upon his brow.

Sebastian : And so had mine.

Viola : And died that day when Viola from her birth [p]Had number'd thirteen
years.

Sebastian : O, that record is lively in my soul! [p]He finished indeed his mortal
act [p]That day that made my sister thirteen years.

Viola : If nothing lets to make us happy both [p]But this my masculine usurp'd
attire, [p]Do not embrace me till each circumstance [p]Of place, time,
fortune, do cohere and jump [p]That I am Viola: which to
confirm, [p]I'll bring you to a captain in this town, [p]Where lie my
maiden weeds; by whose gentle help [p]I was preserved to serve this
noble count. [p]All the occurrence of my fortune since [p]Hath been
between this lady and this lord.

Sebastian : [To OLIVIA] So comes it, lady, you have been mistook: [p]But nature to
her bias drew in that. [p]You would have been contracted to a
maid; [p]Nor are you therein, by my life, deceived, [p]You are
betroth'd both to a maid and man.

Orsino : Be not amazed; right noble is his blood. [p]If this be so, as yet the
glass seems true, [p]I shall have share in this most happy
wreck. [p][To VIOLA] [p]Boy, thou hast said to me a thousand
times [p]Thou never shouldst love woman like to me.

Viola : And all those sayings will I overswear; [p]And those swearings keep as
true in soul [p]As doth that orbed continent the fire [p]That severs
day from night.

Orsino : Give me thy hand; [p]And let me see thee in thy woman's weeds.

Viola : The captain that did bring me first on shore [p]Hath my maid's
garments: he upon some action [p]Is now in durance, at Malvolio's
suit, [p]A gentleman, and follower of my lady's.

Olivia : He shall enlarge him: fetch Malvolio hither: [p]And yet, alas, now I
remember me, [p]They say, poor gentleman, he's much
distract. [p][Re-enter Clown with a letter, and FABIAN] [p]A most
extracting frenzy of mine own [p]From my remembrance clearly banish'd
his. [p]How does he, sirrah?

Feste : Truly, madam, he holds Belzebub at the staves's end as [p]well as a
man in his case may do: has here writ a [p]letter to you; I should
have given't you to-day [p]morning, but as a madman's epistles are no
gospels, [p]so it skills not much when they are delivered.

Olivia : Open't, and read it.

Feste : Look then to be well edified when the fool delivers [p]the
madman. [p][Reads] [p]'By the Lord, madam,'--

Olivia : How now! art thou mad?

Feste : No, madam, I do but read madness: an your ladyship [p]will have it as
it ought to be, you must allow Vox.

Olivia : Prithee, read i' thy right wits.

Feste : So I do, madonna; but to read his right wits is to [p]read thus:
therefore perpend, my princess, and give ear.

Olivia : Read it you, sirrah.

Fabian : [Reads] 'By the Lord, madam, you wrong me, and the [p]world shall know
it: though you have put me into [p]darkness and given your drunken
cousin rule over [p]me, yet have I the benefit of my senses as well
as [p]your ladyship. I have your own letter that induced [p]me to the
semblance I put on; with the which I doubt [p]not but to do myself
much right, or you much shame. [p]Think of me as you please. I leave
my duty a little [p]unthought of and speak out of my injury. [p]THE
MADLY-USED MALVOLIO.'

Olivia : Did he write this?

Feste : Ay, madam.

Orsino : This savours not much of distraction.

Olivia : See him deliver'd, Fabian; bring him hither. [p][Exit FABIAN] [p]My
lord so please you, these things further [p]thought on, [p]To think me
as well a sister as a wife, [p]One day shall crown the alliance on't,
so please you, [p]Here at my house and at my proper cost.

Orsino : Madam, I am most apt to embrace your offer. [p][To VIOLA] [p]Your
master quits you; and for your service done him, [p]So much against
the mettle of your sex, [p]So far beneath your soft and tender
breeding, [p]And since you call'd me master for so long, [p]Here is my
hand: you shall from this time be [p]Your master's mistress.

Olivia : A sister! you are she.

Orsino : Is this the madman?

Olivia : Ay, my lord, this same. [p]How now, Malvolio!

Malvolio : Madam, you have done me wrong, [p]Notorious wrong.

Olivia : Have I, Malvolio? no.

Malvolio : Lady, you have. Pray you, peruse that letter. [p]You must not now deny
it is your hand: [p]Write from it, if you can, in hand or
phrase; [p]Or say 'tis not your seal, nor your invention: [p]You can
say none of this: well, grant it then [p]And tell me, in the modesty
of honour, [p]Why you have given me such clear lights of
favour, [p]Bade me come smiling and cross-garter'd to you, [p]To put
on yellow stockings and to frown [p]Upon Sir Toby and the lighter
people; [p]And, acting this in an obedient hope, [p]Why have you
suffer'd me to be imprison'd, [p]Kept in a dark house, visited by the
priest, [p]And made the most notorious geck and gull [p]That e'er
invention play'd on? tell me why.

Olivia : Alas, Malvolio, this is not my writing, [p]Though, I confess, much
like the character [p]But out of question 'tis Maria's hand. [p]And
now I do bethink me, it was she [p]First told me thou wast mad; then
camest in smiling, [p]And in such forms which here were
presupposed [p]Upon thee in the letter. Prithee, be content: [p]This
practise hath most shrewdly pass'd upon thee; [p]But when we know the
grounds and authors of it, [p]Thou shalt be both the plaintiff and the
judge [p]Of thine own cause.

Fabian : Good madam, hear me speak, [p]And let no quarrel nor no brawl to
come [p]Taint the condition of this present hour, [p]Which I have
wonder'd at. In hope it shall not, [p]Most freely I confess, myself
and Toby [p]Set this device against Malvolio here, [p]Upon some
stubborn and uncourteous parts [p]We had conceived against him: Maria
writ [p]The letter at Sir Toby's great importance; [p]In recompense
whereof he hath married her. [p]How with a sportful malice it was
follow'd, [p]May rather pluck on laughter than revenge; [p]If that the
injuries be justly weigh'd [p]That have on both sides pass'd.

Olivia : Alas, poor fool, how have they baffled thee!

Feste : Why, 'some are born great, some achieve greatness, [p]and some have
greatness thrown upon them.' I was [p]one, sir, in this interlude; one
Sir Topas, sir; but [p]that's all one. 'By the Lord, fool, I am not
mad.' [p]But do you remember? 'Madam, why laugh you at such [p]a
barren rascal? an you smile not, he's gagged:' [p]and thus the
whirligig of time brings in his revenges.

Malvolio : I'll be revenged on the whole pack of you.

Olivia : He hath been most notoriously abused.

Orsino : Pursue him and entreat him to a peace: [p]He hath not told us of the
captain yet: [p]When that is known and golden time convents, [p]A
solemn combination shall be made [p]Of our dear souls. Meantime, sweet
sister, [p]We will not part from hence. Cesario, come; [p]For so you
shall be, while you are a man; [p]But when in other habits you are
seen, [p]Orsino's mistress and his fancy's queen.

Feste : [Sings] [p]When that I was and a little tiny boy, [p]With hey, ho, the
wind and the rain, [p]A foolish thing was but a toy, [p]For the rain
it raineth every day. [p]But when I came to man's estate, [p]With hey,
ho, &c. [p]'Gainst knaves and thieves men shut their gate, [p]For the
rain, &c. [p]But when I came, alas! to wive, [p]With hey, ho,
&c. [p]By swaggering could I never thrive, [p]For the rain, &c. [p]But
when I came unto my beds, [p]With hey, ho, &c. [p]With toss-pots still
had drunken heads, [p]For the rain, &c. [p]A great while ago the world
begun, [p]With hey, ho, &c. [p]But that's all one, our play is
done, [p]And we'll strive to please you every day.

Previous: Act 4 - Scene 3

Next: Act 5 - Scene 1

Web Standards & Support: