Two Gentlemen of Verona by William Shakespeare

Act 2 - Scene 1

Milan. The DUKE’s palace.

Speed : Sir, your glove.

Valentine : Not mine; my gloves are on.

Speed : Why, then, this may be yours, for this is but one.

Valentine : Ha! let me see: ay, give it me, it's mine: [p]Sweet ornament that
decks a thing divine! [p]Ah, Silvia, Silvia!

Speed : Madam Silvia! Madam Silvia!

Valentine : How now, sirrah?

Speed : She is not within hearing, sir.

Valentine : Why, sir, who bade you call her?

Speed : Your worship, sir; or else I mistook.

Valentine : Well, you'll still be too forward.

Speed : And yet I was last chidden for being too slow.

Valentine : Go to, sir: tell me, do you know Madam Silvia?

Speed : She that your worship loves?

Valentine : Why, how know you that I am in love?

Speed : Marry, by these special marks: first, you have [p]learned, like Sir
Proteus, to wreathe your arms, [p]like a malecontent; to relish a
love-song, like a [p]robin-redbreast; to walk alone, like one that
had [p]the pestilence; to sigh, like a school-boy that had [p]lost his
A B C; to weep, like a young wench that had [p]buried her grandam; to
fast, like one that takes [p]diet; to watch like one that fears
robbing; to [p]speak puling, like a beggar at Hallowmas. You
were [p]wont, when you laughed, to crow like a cock; when
you [p]walked, to walk like one of the lions; when you [p]fasted, it
was presently after dinner; when you [p]looked sadly, it was for want
of money: and now you [p]are metamorphosed with a mistress, that, when
I look [p]on you, I can hardly think you my master.

Valentine : Are all these things perceived in me?

Speed : They are all perceived without ye.

Valentine : Without me? they cannot.

Speed : Without you? nay, that's certain, for, without you [p]were so simple,
none else would: but you are so [p]without these follies, that these
follies are within [p]you and shine through you like the water in
an [p]urinal, that not an eye that sees you but is a [p]physician to
comment on your malady.

Valentine : But tell me, dost thou know my lady Silvia?

Speed : She that you gaze on so as she sits at supper?

Valentine : Hast thou observed that? even she, I mean.

Speed : Why, sir, I know her not.

Valentine : Dost thou know her by my gazing on her, and yet [p]knowest her not?

Speed : Is she not hard-favoured, sir?

Valentine : Not so fair, boy, as well-favoured.

Speed : Sir, I know that well enough.

Valentine : What dost thou know?

Speed : That she is not so fair as, of you, well-favoured.

Valentine : I mean that her beauty is exquisite, but her favour infinite.

Speed : That's because the one is painted and the other out [p]of all count.

Valentine : How painted? and how out of count?

Speed : Marry, sir, so painted, to make her fair, that no [p]man counts of her
beauty.

Valentine : How esteemest thou me? I account of her beauty.

Speed : You never saw her since she was deformed.

Valentine : How long hath she been deformed?

Speed : Ever since you loved her.

Valentine : I have loved her ever since I saw her; and still I [p]see her
beautiful.

Speed : If you love her, you cannot see her.

Valentine : Why?

Speed : Because Love is blind. O, that you had mine eyes; [p]or your own eyes
had the lights they were wont to [p]have when you chid at Sir Proteus
for going [p]ungartered!

Valentine : What should I see then?

Speed : Your own present folly and her passing deformity: [p]for he, being in
love, could not see to garter his [p]hose, and you, being in love,
cannot see to put on your hose.

Valentine : Belike, boy, then, you are in love; for last [p]morning you could not
see to wipe my shoes.

Speed : True, sir; I was in love with my bed: I thank you, [p]you swinged me
for my love, which makes me the [p]bolder to chide you for yours.

Valentine : In conclusion, I stand affected to her.

Speed : I would you were set, so your affection would cease.

Valentine : Last night she enjoined me to write some lines to [p]one she loves.

Speed : And have you?

Valentine : I have.

Speed : Are they not lamely writ?

Valentine : No, boy, but as well as I can do them. Peace! [p]here she comes.

Speed : [Aside] O excellent motion! O exceeding puppet! [p]Now will he
interpret to her.

Valentine : Madam and mistress, a thousand good-morrows.

Speed : [Aside] O, give ye good even! here's a million of manners.

Silvia : Sir Valentine and servant, to you two thousand.

Speed : [Aside] He should give her interest and she gives it him.

Valentine : As you enjoin'd me, I have writ your letter [p]Unto the secret
nameless friend of yours; [p]Which I was much unwilling to proceed
in [p]But for my duty to your ladyship.

Silvia : I thank you gentle servant: 'tis very clerkly done.

Valentine : Now trust me, madam, it came hardly off; [p]For being ignorant to whom
it goes [p]I writ at random, very doubtfully.

Silvia : Perchance you think too much of so much pains?

Valentine : No, madam; so it stead you, I will write [p]Please you command, a
thousand times as much; And yet--

Silvia : A pretty period! Well, I guess the sequel; [p]And yet I will not name
it; and yet I care not; [p]And yet take this again; and yet I thank
you, [p]Meaning henceforth to trouble you no more.

Speed : [Aside] And yet you will; and yet another 'yet.'

Valentine : What means your ladyship? do you not like it?

Silvia : Yes, yes; the lines are very quaintly writ; [p]But since unwillingly,
take them again. [p]Nay, take them.

Valentine : Madam, they are for you.

Silvia : Ay, ay: you writ them, sir, at my request; [p]But I will none of them;
they are for you; [p]I would have had them writ more movingly.

Valentine : Please you, I'll write your ladyship another.

Silvia : And when it's writ, for my sake read it over, [p]And if it please you,
so; if not, why, so.

Valentine : If it please me, madam, what then?

Silvia : Why, if it please you, take it for your labour: [p]And so, good
morrow, servant.

Speed : O jest unseen, inscrutable, invisible, [p]As a nose on a man's face,
or a weathercock on a steeple! [p]My master sues to her, and she
hath [p]taught her suitor, [p]He being her pupil, to become her
tutor. [p]O excellent device! was there ever heard a better, [p]That
my master, being scribe, to himself should write [p]the letter?

Valentine : How now, sir? what are you reasoning with yourself?

Speed : Nay, I was rhyming: 'tis you that have the reason.

Valentine : To do what?

Speed : To be a spokesman for Madam Silvia.

Valentine : To whom?

Speed : To yourself: why, she wooes you by a figure.

Valentine : What figure?

Speed : By a letter, I should say.

Valentine : Why, she hath not writ to me?

Speed : What need she, when she hath made you write to [p]yourself? Why, do
you not perceive the jest?

Valentine : No, believe me.

Speed : No believing you, indeed, sir. But did you perceive [p]her earnest?

Valentine : She gave me none, except an angry word.

Speed : Why, she hath given you a letter.

Valentine : That's the letter I writ to her friend.

Speed : And that letter hath she delivered, and there an end.

Valentine : I would it were no worse.

Speed : I'll warrant you, 'tis as well: [p]For often have you writ to her, and
she, in modesty, [p]Or else for want of idle time, could not again
reply; [p]Or fearing else some messenger that might her mind
discover, [p]Herself hath taught her love himself to write unto her
lover. [p]All this I speak in print, for in print I found it. [p]Why
muse you, sir? 'tis dinner-time.

Valentine : I have dined.

Speed : Ay, but hearken, sir; though the chameleon Love can [p]feed on the
air, I am one that am nourished by my [p]victuals, and would fain have
meat. O, be not like [p]your mistress; be moved, be moved.

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