Two Gentlemen of Verona by William Shakespeare

Act 2 - Scene 5

The same. A street.

Speed : Launce! by mine honesty, welcome to Milan!

Launce : Forswear not thyself, sweet youth, for I am not [p]welcome. I reckon
this always, that a man is never [p]undone till he be hanged, nor
never welcome to a [p]place till some certain shot be paid and the
hostess [p]say 'Welcome!'

Speed : Come on, you madcap, I'll to the alehouse with you [p]presently;
where, for one shot of five pence, thou [p]shalt have five thousand
welcomes. But, sirrah, how [p]did thy master part with Madam Julia?

Launce : Marry, after they closed in earnest, they parted very [p]fairly in
jest.

Speed : But shall she marry him?

Launce : No.

Speed : How then? shall he marry her?

Launce : No, neither.

Speed : What, are they broken?

Launce : No, they are both as whole as a fish.

Speed : Why, then, how stands the matter with them?

Launce : Marry, thus: when it stands well with him, it [p]stands well with
her.

Speed : What an ass art thou! I understand thee not.

Launce : What a block art thou, that thou canst not! My [p]staff understands
me.

Speed : What thou sayest?

Launce : Ay, and what I do too: look thee, I'll but lean, [p]and my staff
understands me.

Speed : It stands under thee, indeed.

Launce : Why, stand-under and under-stand is all one.

Speed : But tell me true, will't be a match?

Launce : Ask my dog: if he say ay, it will! if he say no, [p]it will; if he
shake his tail and say nothing, it will.

Speed : The conclusion is then that it will.

Launce : Thou shalt never get such a secret from me but by a parable.

Speed : 'Tis well that I get it so. But, Launce, how sayest [p]thou, that my
master is become a notable lover?

Launce : I never knew him otherwise.

Speed : Than how?

Launce : A notable lubber, as thou reportest him to be.

Speed : Why, thou whoreson ass, thou mistakest me.

Launce : Why, fool, I meant not thee; I meant thy master.

Speed : I tell thee, my master is become a hot lover.

Launce : Why, I tell thee, I care not though he burn himself [p]in love. If
thou wilt, go with me to the alehouse; [p]if not, thou art an Hebrew,
a Jew, and not worth the [p]name of a Christian.

Speed : Why?

Launce : Because thou hast not so much charity in thee as to [p]go to the ale
with a Christian. Wilt thou go?

Speed : At thy service.

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Next: Act 2 - Scene 6